


How I got to where I am

by supercali



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, M/M, what if...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-29 14:00:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercali/pseuds/supercali
Summary: What if Robert left Emmerdale after the farmhand incident to live with his Mum?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had some lovely tumblr messages about the idea of this and I wanted to write it, so here it is. I've changed a few things around, but really all you need to know is Robert left after that day and Sarah's still alive and left the village with Victoria after the fire and Jack refused to let Robert or Andy go with them.
> 
> There's about two mentions of Rebecca here but she doesn't appear (just so people are warned ;)

_"Will you marry me?"_

_Who knew that those four simple words could cause so much trouble. Robert had asked on a Friday. He'd been carrying the ring around in his pocket for weeks, trying to find the right time, the perfect moment._

_The perfect moment doesn't exist though, at least not the perfect romantic movie moment. A moment where Aaron is busy brushing sand from his knees after chasing an excitable four year old across the sand on a hot but blustery day. That moment exists. The one where he just blurts it out, just like that, as Seb runs around making plane noises._

_Everything was perfect. Right up until Aaron's face dropped. For those few seconds he could believe he was winding him up, that he'd grin and say yes and Robert wouldn't be_ _kneeling in the sand like a fool. He'd do that and it'd all be ok again._

_Except he didn't._

_“I can't. I can't marry you Robert.”_

He wakes up shaking, The dream coming back to him instantly like all bad dreams do. It was the third night in a row that he'd been woken like this. Always the same dream. It didn't make sense. Oh he'd been planning to propose for a while but he was pretty sure that Aaron wouldn't turn him down. So why was his mind playing tricks on him like this. 

"Rob?" He turned to look at him just rolling over as he woke up. "What's wrong?” 

“Nothin’. Go back to sleep." There was no point telling him, he'd only keep on until he knew about the dream and that'd just spoil the surprise proposal. He'd get over it, everything would be fine

The next morningAaron's almost out the door on a run before Robert's conscious and then he's getting Seb ready for school so they barely exchange a word as usual as they go their separate ways to work.

It's a normal day until he gets home with Seb at half three, listening to his chatter about his day. He doesn't expect to see Aaron on the sofa. Usually he and Seb would’ve gone to the beach on the way home but today it was like he knew to go home straight away.

"You're early. Seb, stand still or I can't get your coat off mate." Aaron hasn't said a word and usually he'll ask the little boy about his day as soon as he comes in. When he really looks he sees he's pale and his eyes are red like he's been crying .

"Seb, go grab a biscuit and do a picture for Nana, eh?" As soon as he's run into the kitchen he goes to Aaron's side. "Aaron? What's wrong?"

“I just called my Mum..." Now Robert was confused. He never mentioned his Mum, had told Robert they didn’t speak.

"Your...your Mum? What's happened?" 

"I need to go home.” He hasn’t looked at him once and it has him more worried than anything else. He didn’t understand why he was in this state about going home.

"But...”

“Before I do, I need to tell you everything.” 

“OK. No need to cry about that is there?” He tries to lighten the mood. It’d usually work but not this time and he feels something settle in his gut like lead.

"There is. when you know...you won't want me here.”

"That'll never happen..."

"I've been lying to you ever since we met."

He doesn’t say anything, goes to the kitchen starts hurrying Seb along, ignoring Aaron as best he can, just standing, hands in his pockets as if he doesn't know what to do. He can't think can't imagine what's so bad he’d lie about it for so long, but he can't talk with Seb here.

“Robert.”

“Not yet." He snaps, shoving the crayons and paper in Seb’s backpack.

“But...”

"I can't, Not with him here." He takes Seb's hand, distractedly answering his question about why they're leaving.

"We need to talk about this. I need to explain.”

"We will.” He's never heard his own voice sound this way. Harsh and cold and nothing like the way he talks to Aaron usually. Only because it's Aaron does he even relent a little "I'll take him to Mum's. Then we'll talk."

He's on edge as he walks the short distance back home he finds their cottage feeling too closed in as he finds Aaron on the sofa like most nights. It's familiar and yet he feels like it's a dream that's going to disappear any second.

"What's going on Aaron?" He perches on the edge of the sofa. "You told me you don't talk to your Mum. You never mention home.”

"Do you...do you remember when I first showed up here? You didn't trust me a bit. Maybe you were right." He's wringing his hands together, not meeting Robert's eyes at all.

"I...that was ages ago. I was an idiot."

"It matters though. You always wondered what brought me down here and I let you think your Mum was right, that I'd had a fallout with my family.” He's pacing back and forth. Robert wants to go to him but he doesn’t. “It was easier, so you wouldn’t ask questions.”

He doesn't know what to think, Aaron just looks so panicked, worried and he didn’t know what was going on.

"So, what you're close to them? You never talk to them, hardly ever mention them." 

"I couldn't, not back then, and now...well it's been easier to let you carry on believing the story, than tell you the truth." 

“And what is the truth?”

"My Mum, she said my... well my Dad pretty much, he's in hospital. I need to see him.”

"Of course, we'll drive up and…” He still doesn’t understand why that has him like this.

"No...I can't. you need to listen...I'll explain. Just...don't hate me."

“I couldn't hate you. you know that.” 

"I...I didn't do this to hurt you. I love you, that's never been a lie. Seb too."

"Aaron!"

"My last name...it's not Chambers. It's Dingle. I had to make it up because...because _Imontherun_." The words come out in a rush and it takes Robert a minute to realise what he's said. 

“You’re a Dingle?” He remembers them, of course he does. “You’re from _Emmerdale_?”

“That’s…yeah.”

“You never said, all the times I’ve mentioned the village.”

“Couldn’t really could I?”

“What are you on the run for?” He can’t stop pacing around the little living room.

"That's not...It's not that bad."

"For what Aaron?" He's standing now. "God how could I be so stupid, I let you make me believe you loved me. What was it? Some attempt to hide even more...what?" 

"No! I told you I love you. I've never lied about that." 

"What did you do?” Aaron just ducks his head, like he can’t look at him anymore.

“Arson.”

"What?" It just brings back all those memories. The heat, the smoke, his Mum staggering from the barn towards them, struggling to breathe.

"I didn't...I mean...It wasn't me. My mate was falling to pieces and if he'd gone to prison he wouldn't have made it and I... I needed to get away. so when they pointed the finger at me... I ran.” 

"As easy as that?" He scoffs.

"None of it was easy. The hardest bit was lying to you."

"Still did it though, eh? So why tell me now? Why not just sneak back home and then come back, I'm none the wiser.”

“I don't want to lie to you anymore. I’ve wanted to tell you, kept putting it off because I knew you’d hate me…now I had no choice. To go home I’ve got to hand myself in and…I'm sorry!"

"You're sorry. Two years Aaron. Two fuckin' years you've been here and you've just been lying the whole time?"

"What do you want me to say? I've told you the truth now, That has to count for something doesn't it?"

"Oh well that's alright then?" He stops pacing, looking directly at him for the first time. "If she hadn’t called, your Mum, would you ever have told me?"

"I don't know. Yes...probably..." 

"You know…I was going to propose. Had it all planned…and I wanted you to adopt Seb, wanted the three of us to be a proper family, for you to be his Dad legally. How stupid am I?” Aaron’s got tears in his eyes but he refuses to let himself crack and comfort him. He can’t, he's too angry. “I can't be here, I need to go.”

"Robert! I'm not letting you run away, We can sort this. Please! Nothing's changed."

"Everything has changed. I don't have a clue who you are anymore.” He doesn't look back as he slams the door, ignores Aaron calling his name and just keeps walking.

He walks for hours, the village quiet as the sun sets. He doesn't want to go home, can't face Aaron right now, doesn't want to risk saying something that he might regret. He can barely get his head around everything that Aaron had told him and there's a part of him that wishes he hadn’t told him, had just let things go on as they are .

It isn’t like he didn't know there were things Aaron hadn't told him, he'd just assumed they were stupid things, funny stories from being a teenager. Not this, not in a million years would never have expected this. It's a hell of a thing to do, give up your life for a friend and he can't say he's not a little proud of him, but still he's hurt, feels like Aaron couldn't trust him. How can they be together if they can't trust each other. In the beginning, sure, but it's nearly two years since they met. Aaron knew everything about him.

He doesn't know where this leaves them. Of course he has to go home, but he’s risking prison. What then? Will he want to stay once he’s free again, be with his family again after being away so long. Where does that leave him. They can't even just carry on as normal, not yet certainly. He has no idea what comes next. All he knows is he's tired.

He still doesn't go home ends up at his Mum's front door the scene so familiar, whenever his life is in upheaval he always ends up here.

He can't help but go back to the first time he did.

*****  
  
_He lets himself get caught up in the rush of people on the platform as he steps off the train._

_Everyone seemed to know where they were going except him. He doesn’t suppose they’re running away from home, not even sixteen though, going miles away on his own, only an address on a scrap of paper that he’d found in the dresser drawer in the kitchen to help him._

_He wondered what she would say when he turned up on the doorstep like this. Would she let him in? It hadn’t been that long but he could remember hearing the fights, hearing his Dad shout that she wasn’t taking him, that he wasn’t hers to take. Her screaming accusations about the fire that she’d barely escaped from with her life. He hadn’t understood then, didn’t know why she was so angry. He would though, months later, he’d find out that it had been Andy. He’d nearly lost her because of him, and then she’d gone anyway and he’d been left behind thanks to his Dad._

_Maybe in the time that had gone she’d realised she was better off without him. All he did was cause trouble, cause rows. She’d be settled now, her and Victoria, she wouldn’t want him messing it all up._

_He couldn’t go home though. Not now, so what choice did he have._

_He had to hitch hike from the station. The money he'd saved from walking Mrs Birch's yappy little dog had been swallowed by the train fare alone. It had taken a long time to get enough but he’d done it. He wouldn’t have asked his Dad, he’d never have given it him anyway. The woman had dropped him at a junction, a village in the distance, it was pouring with rain but he didn't like to ask her to take him any further._

_It couldn't be far so he hitched his backpack higher on his shoulder, his hand holding his collar closed against his neck and started walking. She'd pointed him in the general direction and thankfully there were some signs._

_Finally he finds it, lights shining in the windows and it makes him stop. what if she really did turn him away? He'd have no one. His Gran he supposed, but she'd take his Dad’s side no doubt and how would he get to Spain with no money._

_No, he had to try. Maybe at least he could stay the night even if the turned him away, get warm and something to eat. He certainly couldn't stay out here. He forces himself forwards, hand reaching to knock on the door._

_"Just a minute!" Her voice makes him smile, despite his worry. It brings back memories of good times, when the two of them would curl up in front of the fire and watch his programmes or go through his school work. "What can I...Robert?"_

_"Hi Mum." She doesn't move or speak for what feels like ages._

_"What...how...come in out of that rain." She takes his bag, almost immediately pulling his coat off his shoulders. "You must be freezing!"_

_"I'm alright." It's silly but he'd almost expected her to have changed, but she's exactly the same as he remembers._

_"How did you get here? Is someone with you? Tell me you didn't come alone!"_

_"I..." His voice leaves him, he can't tell her, can't relive it all even though he could never forget a second of it._

_"Never mind. We'll talk about it later Now, soup I think, to get you warm." He can tell she's worried but he can't reassure her, wants to prolong this as long as he can._

_She's his Mum, she'd never turn him away. Except not that long ago he would've said that about his Dad too._

_"Here we are." She says a few minutes later, sets a tray in front of him, a steaming bowl of vegetable soup and a cup of strong tea. It's the tea that sets him off, it’s the exact way he likes it. She'd remembered and he can't help the tears that hit the dish. "Oh love what is it? Don't cry, there's nothing so bad that you need to cry in your soup. Come on, eat up and then we'll talk, hmm?" So he does, right in front of the roaring fire, blanket over his legs and finally he thinks that maybe it might be ok._

_She still hadn't said anything until he'd finished eating, taking the tray away before sitting next to him, asking him what was wrong. He told her, quiet at first still unsure about everything tears threatening all the time._

_She'd just sat there and listened and he couldn't read her face. It's agony waiting and in the end he can't, gets up. "I'll...I'll go. It's alright."_

_"What? Robert, wait! Why are you wanting to leave?"_

_“You won’t want me here now. Not now you know." He can't find his jumper, she'd made him take it off saying it was too wet and now he just had his t-shirt on. It’d have to do. “It’s alright Mum, I understand.”_

_"What reason have I ever given you to think I'd turn you away?" She comes over and takes his hands. "You're my son . I would never turn you away, especially not because of something you can do nothing about.”_

_"But Dad…”_

_"Your father is old-fashioned and stubborn. There's no excuse for what he's done and I'll be telling him so."_

_"No!" He pulls away again. He can't let her talk to him, he'll make him go back home just to spite her. "I don't want him to know I’m here.”_

_"He has to know love. You're fifteen. and I can't...he won't let me."_

_"I'm not going back there!” He can feel himself panicking already. He can’t go back, she has to understand._

_"Alright, we'll talk about it tomorrow."_

_“I can stay?” He looks up at her for the first time, can’t quite believe it. He shouldn’t have doubted her._

_"Of course you can. But we have to do things properly. That's for another day though. Come on, finish your tea.”_

_"It'll be cold."_

_"Just how you like it then." She laughs._

*****

"Robert! I thought…you said Seb was staying the night, he’s already asleep.”

"I know…it’s…I don't know what to do Mum. Can I stay?" She doesn't answer, just moves away from the door to let him in, already headed for the kitchen and the kettle because to her everything can be solved with a cup of tea. Or wine. Right now, he’ll take either. 

“Right, sit, and tell me what’s going on. Did you and Aaron have a row?”

“Not exactly.” He hesitates, it’s not his secret to tell, but he trusts her, knows she loves Aaron, she’d never get him into trouble. “He told me something…he’s been lying to me, to all of us.”

It all comes pouring out in a rush, like the secret can’t wait to be spilled. She doesn’t say a word, there’s not a single clue to what she’s thinking, and he’s thrown right back to when he was fifteen, coming out to her and hoping she could make everything ok.

“I can’t go home. I don’t know what to say to him.” He twists the wine glass with his fingers, looking at her, feels she’s disappointed somehow.

"Maybe he's feeling the same.”

"I don't care.”

"Of course you do, or you wouldn't be in this state." He glares at her, hates that she knows him so well. “That look didn't work on me when you were six years old and didn’t want a bath, what makes you think now is any different?"

"He didn't trust me, Mum. I told him everything, all that happened with Dad, everything and it was hard...but I trusted him to listen, to say the right thing. So why couldn't he do the same for me?"

"Did you ask him?" He shook his head. 

"Not really.”

“Oh Robert."

"What? You think I should just accept it? Just be ok with him lying to me for two years?”

"Of course not! I just mean that maybe he has his reasons that might help explain." 

“Maybe. I don't want to hear 'em right now though. I'm too angry."

"Fair enough, but at some point you'll have to talk. If only to decide what he does next. He obviously wants to go home if his Dad is badly hurt.” He looks up at her. He knew all that, was too angry to even start thinking about it. "Oh I know you'd rather dig your head in the sand and hope it all goes away, and so does Aaron no doubt but life doesn't work that way.” He nods. "So, sleep on it tonight see how you feel tomorrow, eh?" 

“Can I stay? I don't want to go home.”

“You know you don't have to ask. Seb's in your old room though."

"I'll sleep on the floor. Want him close. Thanks Mum." He gets up, all his energy gone.

“Robert?" 

“Yeah?"

“Aaron loves you. Whatever else is going on, remember that. He loves you, and Seb.” 

He nods, throat tight. “Night Mum.”

He doesn’t sleep for hours, everything running around in his mind over and over. He must drop off eventually because he’s woken by small fingers poking his cheek.

“Oi!”

“Daddy. Why’re you on the floor?” Seb never fails to put a smile on his face, but even that’s a struggle now.

“Sleepover, isn’t it, and someone was in my bed.”

“My bed.” He says almost leaping from the bed and landing on Robert’s stomach.

“Hmm, used to be mine.”

“Where’s Aaron?”

“He’s at home.” He wills him not to ask any more questions and he doesn’t, hearing his beloved Nana calling up the stairs. “Go on, go get your breakfast, I'll be down in a minute.” He waits until he's gone before sitting up. still in his clothes, eyes feeling like they're full of grit.

He needs to see Aaron, but he has no clue what to say.

*****

He taps his pen against the desk, the accounts in front of him not holding his interest longer than a few minutes at a time. It’s too nice outside and his gaze keeps skittering to the sea in the distance, all deep blues, the waves rolling in on the breeze. It’s days like these that make him extra glad he came here.

“Are you daydreaming again?” His sister’s sing song voice comes from the doorway to the office. “What’s going on? Mum wants to know if you’re still alright for tea. Why wouldn’t you be?”

“Just thinkin’, that’s all. Tell Mum I’ll let her know, yeah.” He gets up, head is all over the place. “I’ve got somewhere to be, alright?” 

It's the usual family tea night. They very rarely miss it. His Mum and Victoria take the night off and they order takeaway, they all love it. He just doesn’t know if he can do it tonight.

He hasn't seen Aaron. By the time he'd got home, once his Mum had hurried Seb off to school, Aaron had gone. He didn't know whether to be annoyed or relieved. He was no closer to knowing what to do. He’d found his phone on the table, felt guilty for not letting Aaron know he was safe but his Mum had said she’d messaged. He should go and see him. One of them has to make the first move. 

“Say hi for me, won’t you?”

“I could have a meeting!” He shakes his head at her teasing. She’s twenty and she knows everything, or so she’d have you believe. She brings out his childish side and he can't help but stick his tongue out at her as he leaves. “Don’t you have chopping to do or something?” She was always trying out new ideas for the restaurant when they were closed. 

“You were going to try them!”

“Next time, eh?”

Finally outside he slips on his sunglasses, the sun warm, the streets are full and he can't help but think of the boost to his Mum's takings despite his mood. He'd helped her set up the restaurant a few years ago, at a loose end, fresh out of college, thinking he knew everything. He supposed he must’ve known something because now it was a great success, one of the busiest in the little town.

"What's up with that husband of yours today lad?" He turns round to see Aaron's boss behind him. "Had a right mood on him.”

"You sure you aren’t just working him too hard Jim?” He laughs, the joke an old one. He'd worked for the man a couple of summers when he was still at school and they both knew that the garage would never be the busiest. 

He sees him as he turns the corner, bent over a car, overalls tied round his waist. He can't help but watch for a bit until he turns sound, cautious smile spreading across his face. 

“Shouldn’t you be working?”

"Couldn't concentrate. Can you get away? Thought we could talk." He wants to talk but after last night he's not sure how to get into it.

“Can’t." He frowns, obviously he's still angry. “Seb, remember him? My turn to pick him up.”

"Right. Sorry. We should take him for an ice cream or something. I’m sure he’s noticed…what with me being at Mum’s.”

“Yeah good idea.”

“We’ll talk after though yeah?" He tells him, watches him wiping oil from his hands, telling Jim he'd see him tomorrow. As they walk up the hill to the little school it’s awkward, the words they do utter are stilted. They only just reach the school in time, Seb running towards him. Sometimes he couldn't believe how lucky he was, to have his family, lucky that Aaron had accepted Seb as easily as he had.

Seb had literally changed his life. Twenty one, ready to graduate he’d been floored when one of his casual flings from the last term had announced she was pregnant. He thought he’d said all the right things, or he’d tried, still stunned. Then she’d dropped out, gone home with no way of contacting her he didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t told anyone, not knowing how to even start, and as she’d disappeared he shoved it all away.

Six months later he woke up to social workers on the doorstep, his Mum staring at him wide eyed. Turned out Rebecca’s family had been involved in a car crash none of them surviving except for the baby, thankfully, after being left with a babysitter. He'd wanted to turn them away, he couldn't bring up a baby, not alone. His mum though, she sat him down, the two of them talking everything over. In the end he couldn't let Seb go. 

He still has no idea how Seb has turned out so well, he was convinced he was doing everything wrong. He would never have coped alone he knew that.

“Daddy! Look what I made!” He pushes a bright and gaudy piece of paper into his hands before throwing himself at Aaron, the two of them thick as thieves since the day Aaron had turned up. It makes him smile like always and then everything hurts again.

“That’s brilliant mate. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! What’s for tea?”

“You’ll have to ask Nana Sarah.” That gets him another squeal. “Aaron thought we might go for an ice cream first, what do you say?”

“Choc’late?”

“Is there any other kind?” Aaron asked, hoisting him into his arms.

For a while he forgets everything, watching his boyfriend and son fighting over who got the biggest scoop of chocolate ice cream.

Sat on the sea wall, sun shining, most people would be deliriously happy. So why does he feel like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders? He’d finally felt like he had everything, the first time he’d really felt that way since he’d come here and he put most of that down to meeting Aaron. 

*****

_The first time he meets him he doesn't think much of him. He's sat at their kitchen table scarfing down a plate of his Mum's lasagne, and pulling faces at Seb across the table. "What's this?"_

_"Oh hello love. This is Aaron. He's going to do some odd jobs around the restaurant for me once he's had a bit of tea.”_

_"What jobs? I could've done them.” He ruffles Seb's hair as he passes, the long bus ride leaving him gasping for a cuppa. He hadn’t expected to find a complete stranger sitting at the table._

_“You're busy love. Besides you're not the world's best at DIY are you?" That gets a snort from the man across the table._

_"And he is? Some stranger you’ve found…where exactly?”_

_“Robert! Next door, now!" He starts to go then picks up Seb from his highchair, much to his disgust. Over protective probably, but she was so trusting and it always worried him._

_"Do you have to be so rude?" His Mum hisses once the living room door is closed._

_”What? Do you even know anything about him? What about Seb?"_

_"He's fine. Aaron’s good with him.”_

_"How long's he been here?"_

_“Since this morning. He needs the work."_

_"So you hired him…Did you check…of course you didn't. Mum!"_

_"Robert I'm not stupid. The lad looked like he needed help. Now stop your fussing.”_

_"How did he know you needed help?"_

_"I told him, look I found him freezing cold up by the jetty, looked like he’d been sitting there hours. I offered to let him warm up and some food but he wouldn’t accept it. I told him he could do a couple of jobs for me if he was so insistent on not taking a handout."_

_"I don't like him.”_

_"You don't even know him.” She gives him that look, the one that makes him feel like he’s eight years old and was sent home early from school._

_“That’s not the point. He could be anyone. There's Seb to think about.”_

_"Are you saying I'd ever put him in danger?”_

_"No! No, of course not. I’m just…I know you, one hint of a sob story and…”_

_"All I'm doing is what I hope someone would do for you if you needed them. Now can you show him what needs doing. I’ve got to go and see Tricia at the post office. And be nice, I'll take this one with me, maybe get some chocolate, hey little one?"_

_“You spoil him.”_

_"That's what Nana's are for. Now go on!”_

_He sighs when she's gone and goes back into the kitchen. He's standing at the sink looking out of the window._

_"I'm not going to rob you or 'owt."_

_"No? Well my mum seems to think you're alright so I'll just show you the tools and let you get on then. You won't mind me keeping an eye out while I do some paperwork will you. Just in case you don't know where anything is."_

_“Why would I?”_

_He shows him what needs doing and leaves him to it, half an eye on him as he does the paperwork. It's not the first time his Mum has found someone who she thinks needs help but there's something about him that has Robert on edge._

_“So." He says a little while later, handing him a cup of tea. "Where are you from? It's not a local accent ."_

_"Neither's yours."_

_“Yorkshire. Go on, I've told you mine.”_

_"Wasn't aware it was a competition." He can't help laughing. "Same as you."_

_"Holiday then?” He wanted to know, found he wanted to know everything about him._

_“Something like that. Run out of money. Your Mum, she's nice.”_

_“Yeah trusting, too." No harm in reminding him after all._

_"You really don't take after her on that score do you?”_

_“Easy way to get burnt."_

_Aaron sighs and pushes himself to stand. "Well I'm done so I'll not stay where I’m not wanted. Tell your mum thanks won't you."_

_Robert watches him go, glad he's gone because he can't shake that feeling. He can't help feeling guilty though as he watches him go, shoulders hunched again. He wants to stop him but there’s just something stopping him from calling out._

*****

They go to the family dinner, not wanting to let Seb down, and his Mum just smiles at Aaron as always. He’s glad, doesn’t want everything to be ruined. Dinner is awkward, him and Aaron still mostly silent. Seb is in his element with his Aunt and Nana a captive audience for his tales.

"I asked your Mum if Seb could stay the night." Aaron tells him after insisting they wash up. 

“What again?”

“We need to talk…properly. Be easier on our own."

“Aaron..." He's stopped by Seb bursting in shouting about staying over and how he was having hot chocolate because Nana said, as if challenging them to even think of saying no.

They say goodnight, Seb barely sparing them a glance, his Mum just smiling encouragingly at him.

"So, home?"

"No." He doesn't want to go home, doesn't want to do it there. "Let's go down to the harbour." Aaron nods, he knows exactly where he means.

*****

_“He doesn’t have anywhere else to go. He told me he spent last night in the bus shelter!” He’s not seen her this angry in a long time and he wishes he’d gone home when Aaron had left rather than face this._

_“And you believed him? Mum!”_

_“Robert, I know you inherited your father’s distrustful nature but I raised you better than that.”_

_“So what do you expect me to do?”_

_“Find him. Apologise and then bring him here. I’d already told him he could stay the night in the flat above the restaurant.”_

_“There’s nothing but junk up there!”_

_“And a sofa, the kitchen is usable. It’s better than a bus shelter. Now go! Take Seb with you so I can get on.” He sighs, it was useless arguing with her when she was like this, he knew that well enough._

_It’s cold out and Seb is wrapped up well in his arms, babbling away in his ear as he wanders towards the harbour. If Aaron’s looking for work it’s probably the best place to start. It takes a while but he finds him, tucked around a corner near the end of the harbour wall, hunched over, hands stuffed in his pockets and his hood up against the cold. He adjusts Seb in his arms as he sits down beside him._

_“You’re a hard man to track down.”_

_“Didn’t think you’d be looking.”_

_“I shouldn’t have been so rude earlier.”_

_“That you or your Mum talkin’?” There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he speaks._

_“Mum…she’s right though. She said she’d offered you a place to stay. Why didn’t you say?”_

_“What and you’d just say well come in then would you? I don’t need your pity mate.”_

_“You’re not getting any. You want to freeze out here go ahead, but the flat’s not the Ritz but it’s warm.”_

_“You don’t know me, why do you care? You could just tell your Mum you couldn’t find me. Not like I’m going to turn up and prove you wrong is it?”_

_“Because she made me think. I ran away from home once and I don’t know what’s gone on with you, it’s your business but like she said, I would’ve wanted someone to care enough to help me if I’d needed it.” Aaron looks over, the first time he has since he got here. “My Dad, he wasn’t…anyway you don’t need to know about that. I’m not going to beg but the offer is there.”_

_Seb’s clearly had enough of being ignored and tries to break for freedom, almost launching himself towards Aaron’s lap. Thankfully he has quick reflexes and takes hold of him as he wriggles away from Robert._

_“What’s all this then eh?”_

_“Looks like he wants you to stay.”_

_“He yours?”_

_“Yeah.” Does he imagine Aaron’s smile dropping or is he just too hopeful. He wants to explain, but even if Aaron were interested he can’t fight that feeling he’s had ever since he laid eyes on him. He’s tried to so hard to get past it. It had been easier at Uni where no one knew him but since he’d come home he worried about what people thought and no matter what his Mum had said over the years he could still hear his Dad’s voice all over again._

_“He’s cute. Clearly takes after his Mum.”_

_“Oi!” He laughs, shoving at his shoulder slightly. “So, you coming back with me or do I have to face my Mum alone?”_

_*****_

They settle themselves on the sea wall. It was their spot, where he’d found him when he'd gone looking that day, the guilt eating away at him. It wasn’t that dissimilar now, in that there was a distance between them, the small gap on the wall between them feeling vast.

"So, you want to tell me...how it all happened?" 

He does, voice quiet, barely audible above the breeze.

Robert's heard a lot of it before. His struggle to accept himself, it was one of the things they found they had in common right at the start. He knew all about Gordon, how Aaron had feared for so long that it was him who'd made him that way. How he'd had the unbelievable courage to tell his him everything, had stood up in court, got him put away .

Maybe alarm bells should've rung earlier Aaron had been pretty scant on details like the names of his family, how he'd never tell him exactly where he was from but he'd just assumed a family row had caused a rift. He could relate to that, hadn’t wanted to pry.

It's almost unbelievable to him that Aaron could open up about that, things so personal and difficult but he could carry on a lie over something like being on the run and he says as much.

“Because it didn't just affect me, If I'd told you and you'd turned me in, Adam...he'd turn himself in and I promised him. I left to stop that happening.” It doesn't make sense but, Robert's never really had a friend as good as this Adam sounds so maybe that’s why he can’t quite grasp his reasoning. 

"I wouldn't have turned you in.”

“I didn’t know that. I know what…what happened to your Mum, how that’s affected you and I couldn’t take the chance that you’d turn against me.” Robert doesn’t know what to say. He wouldn’t turn him in, certainly not now, but he’s right, Robert’s relationship with fire isn’t a good one and maybe back then he would’ve made different choices.

"Sorry...that I walked out last night.” He says breaking the silence that's descended on them. 

"It's alright. Can't blame you. I should've told you."

"So, what now?"

"I have to see Paddy, Robert. Like I said, he’s my Dad, or as close as and he’s hurt. I wouldn't be here without him.”

"Ok. You know what that means though. You could go to prison."

"Yeah. But after...I won't have to hide anymore. You...you said you were going to propose. I want that. I want to be married to you and if I don't go, we can't. Hopefully it won't be for long. I, er, called Adam, told him I couldn't do it anymore, told him why. He's going to hand himself in. Maybe I'll get lucky and get out right quick.” He didn’t sound convinced.

"What if it's not? Or what if you want to stay? You'll have your family back." 

"You could come with me. You and Seb.”

"Just like that?"

"If we wanted. What's to stop us?” He hesitates. Aaron knows some of what happened, how it affected him, the fire, the rows and everything with his Dad. He’d always played down the effect it still had on him though, had no reason to ever go into it that much because he'd no intention of going back, until now that is.

"I don't know. I've been thinking all day about it because I thought you might suggest it, and I can't get past my Dad. It's stupid that it bothers me I know and I want to be there for you but...the last time I saw him, he..." Aaron's arm is round him in an instant. "I don't want you to...the stuff he'll say." 

"I don't care what he thinks Robert. You’ve never told me exactly what went on but I can guess. I know it's hard." He stops for a minute. "So...you're going to stay here and I'll go, and when I get back, we'll carry on, right?" 

"No! You can't go through this alone!" It could be months, years even.” 

"And you don't want to go back to the village. So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know." He sighs in defeat. He wanted so much to just say to hell with it and go back to Emmerdale with Aaron, but there's something stopping him. It's fear, he just doesn't know how to conquer it. Even if he didn’t go to the village, found somewhere close by, there was still that pull, to be so close he knew a small part of him would go back, would try, in the hopes that things might be better. Besides, Aaron would want to go wouldn’t he, when everything was settled. How could he not go with him.

"You want to go home?” Aaron says after a while.

"No. Can we just sit here a bit longer?" Everything is going to change, whatever happens and he wants to keep this as long as he can. Aaron shuffles closer and wraps his arm around Robert pulling him closer, the sun still warm enough to sit outside a while longer.

*****

It's like a sixth sense . He knows Something isn’t right as soon as he gets up. The bed is cold next to him. Something just isn’t right. The house is too quiet and not because Seb’s at his Mum's.

"Aaron?" He calls out but there's no answer, then he sees it. The space where Aaron’s bag always sat, the lack of storage in the house meaning stuff had to just lay about. It was gone. He moves to the wardrobe, the empty hangers just mocking him.

He finds the note downstairs, Aaron's messy scrawl staring back at him. 

_Rob._

_I need to see Paddy. I need to sort this. I know you said you'd be by my side, but I know what going back there would do to you. I’m sorry to just run, but it's for the best._

_Love ya, idiot._

_Aaron_

He sits at the table reading it again. He feels angry that Aaron just upped and left, but there’s a small part of him that’s relieved because Aaron's right, going back to Emmerdale scares him. Facing his Dad again. He wishes he didn't care, that what he thought didn't matter. All the same he wanted to be by Aaron's side.

He tries calling but he doesn’t answer. Is he already in custody. He's got no idea what time he left. What will he tell Seb. He can't settle on one thought long enough to think clearly. He manages to get dressed, walks to the restaurant finds his Mum and sister already at work. His Mum has always been able to tell when something was wrong and sends Vic on an errand and makes him sit. 

"Aaron's gone."

"What?" He hands her the letter. “Oh Robert. you know he's not left you. He's doing what he's thinks is best. What will you do?" 

"I told him...I said me and Seb we'd go too...but maybe he's right. what if I can't? Seeing Dad…"

"You don't have to go near the village not if you don't want to." She reaches for his hand. "Maybe...it might be time to...you're a different person to the boy who left.”

"Am I?"

"You know you are.”

“Every time I think about that place, I hear him. He'll hate it, me turning up. Aaron."

"He lost the right to have an opinion Robert the moment he laid a hand on you. You love Aaron and you're proud of him, and your family, yes?" He nods. "Then don't let anyone, especially your father make you feel bad for that." 

“You think I should go?"

"I think you know what you're going to do. You knew the minute you saw he was gone."

"I just...seeing Dad and Andy again.”

"I can't tell you what to do love, but tell me something, would it really be so bad going back there?" 

“Dad and Andy are there, what do you think?"

“Like I said, you’re a different person now, you're not a scared teenager who is still finding out who he is. You're happy with Aaron, you're a good Dad to Seb. You do what’s best for _you_ , nobody else."

"I doubt Dad will see it like that.”

"So what? Your father can think what he likes. You're his son and if he's too blind to see how happy you are then he's not worth a minute of your time. Aaron on the other hand, he’s so proud of you he could burst. I bet he’s thinking when all this is over he can introduce you to his family, show them how happy he is.”

“You don’t know that.”

"I'm a Mum I know these things. You remember the Dingles like I do. Family’s important to them.” 

“I…”

"Listen, if your Dad and Andy don't want to know then that's their problem and you don't have to see them, hmm?" 

"Maybe you're right." He hesitates, feels like a little kid. “Would you…if I go, me and Seb, will you come with us?”

"I don't know Robert. you know I have my own…" He reaches for her hand because he does know. “I haven’t been back for so long.”

“Neither have I, but, it was home wasn’t it? We did have some good memories. Maybe both of us need the reminder.”

“I…”

"Think about it, for me? We could go to Whitby or Scarborough after, when Aaron’s sorted, have a holiday?”

"We live at the seaside and you want to holiday at the seaside?" She's laughing now, and he grins at her.

“Nothing like a Yorkshire beach though, eh?” 

“What about the restaurant?”

“Vic’s here. I…you know I don’t want her knowing about Dad. If she comes with us…”

“She’ll want to though, she’ll want to see him.”

“What about…when it’s settled down, when we know what’s going on. She could come then. Do you think she’d mind?” As much as she knew he had fallen out with Jack but she didn’t know why. Neither he nor his Mum had ever said a word about what went on and he didn’t want to. “We can afford to get people in to help her for a few weeks if need be.”

“You really do want me to go with you don’t you?”

He hesitates, knows how hard it’ll be for her to go back. “I don’t know if I can do it on my own, Mum.”

“I’ll make you a deal. You think about it and I'll do the same. How about that?" 

"Deal."

"Do you regret leaving?” He asks as he washes up.

“Sometimes. Me and your Dad, we used to be different, less volatile. Things change though don't they? If I'd stayed..." 

“I do remember you know, the better stuff. Why couldn't he stay like he was? The fun Dad, the one who seemed like he loved me, was proud of me?”

"Oh love. It doesn’t help a bit, or excuse what he did but I do know he loves you. In his own way. He doesn’t see that love shouldn’t come with conditions attached. That’s not me saying you should feel you have to see him or anything, you know I’ll support you whatever.”

“I…he’s my Dad, but…”

"I suppose you need to ask yourself, what's more important, what your Dad thinks or making a decision for your family?”

“Oh you’re good.”

“Like I said, Mum’s have special powers, you know that.” She kisses his cheek. “So we’ll think on it tonight, make up our minds in the morning.”

“Thanks Mum.”

“He’ll be alright you know.”

“Yeah, I just miss him.”


	2. Chapter 2

The village had barely changed. Nearly ten years and it was as if it was stuck in time. He pulled the car to a stop by the pub. He knew Aaron's Mum owned it but it felt wrong to just go in and introduce himself. Had he even seen her yet? It had been three days, three long days since he'd left and he'd heard nothing. He could only assume he was still in custody.

“You ok love?"

"Yeah. I think so. You?" It hadn't even been a day before she'd agreed to come with him. The two of them had filled Victoria in, convincing her to let them find out what was happening before she came to visit Jack. If they were here a while then she’d follow them when everything was settled. It’d be the first time back in the village for her too. She’d not wanted to see Jack at all until just recently when she’d suddenly started talking about him, asking about him. Robert had put it down to her getting older, looking to her own future but so far she’d not done anything about it.

The plan was to stay at the B&B at first, until he could get some idea how long everything was going to take but he’d already been eyeing up a couple of places to rent short term because as much as he wasn’t sure he’d want to stay, surely Aaron would if he got out.

"I've no argument with the village itself. Shall we go and book in at the B&B? Seb looks like he could do with a nap.” He looks at him in the back, battling to keep his eyes open but still looking round at this new place. 

"No nap Nana."

"Yes monkey. otherwise you'll fall head first into your dinner.”

"You take him in, I'll get the bags. Then I'm going to try and track Aaron down." 

"How?"

"I'll find a way The pub? You always said everyone knew everyone else's business in there."

It's a young guy who books them in, looking bored the whole time. Robert's thankful it's no one who knows them, wants to delay the inevitable as long as he can.

As soon as he's unpacked he tells his Mum he's off to the pub. Someone there is bound to be talking about Aaron if he's handed himself in. The village can't have changed that much. The place is full when he gets there, the only seat free is at the bar. Thankfully there's no sign of Jack or Andy and he lets out a sigh of relief.

"What can I get you?" He looks up to see a woman staring at him expectantly. There's something familiar about her and he wonders if it’s Aaron's Mum.

"Orange juice please."

“You new around here then?"

"Something like that. Just visiting." She smiles and goes back to talking to a man just along the bar. He tries to hear without looking obvious. 

"You heard from him then?"

"This morning. He sounds alright." It has to be Aaron they're talking about. "Said they took him to see Paddy so that’s something." He keeps staring at his drink but there's a smile on his face. He supposes he should just ask, introduce himself but, and maybe it’s sentimental, he wants Aaron to be the one to introduce them.

"That brief is alright. What was his name? Might be worth keeping hold of him."

“Stephenson. And don't you go getting any ideas. One member of the family in prison is enough right now. "

He finishes the rest of his drink and gets up. "Off already?"

"Yeah. Expect I'll be back though." She nods and he's gone. He's got what he wanted. It was all going too well though, and he's barely a step away from the B&B when he sees him. He looks older Robert thinks, older than he should. Still the same downturn of his mouth, that stupid cap. Robert could remember trying it on numerous times as a boy.

He ducks into the doorway as he sees him look in his direction. He doesn't know what to feel but he knows he’s not ready to speak to him. He has no idea how he gets up to his room. His Mum was in the armchair, watching Seb sleeping but she gets to her feet when she sees him. "Robert?"

"I...I saw Dad." He doesn’t want to feel like this, all out of sorts.

"Did he say something to you?" He shook his head. "Sit down. I'll go down and get you a drink."

He can't help staring at Seb as he sits on the bed beside him hand brushing through his soft blonde hair. He just doesn't understand it. He could never imagine ever treating Seb the way his Dad has treated him. He's so scared of letting his son down but never could he imagine hurting him the way Jack had.

"There, drink that." His Mum pushes a glass into his hand. a look telling him not to argue. "Do you remember Eric Pollard? He runs this place now."

"Did he know you?"

"Oh yes. Don't worry I told him it was a surprise so he won't say anything. So what did you find out at the pub? " He smiles a little, glad she's changing the subject.

"I heard his Mum talking, got the name of his lawyer. I’ll call him later, try and find out what’s happening and if I can see Aaron.”

"Do you think we'll tell you anything?"

"Hopefully, you always used to say I could charm the birds from the trees, so we'll see.”

*****

"You should take him out for some fresh air." His Mum told him as he checked his phone again. "It won't ring any quicker just because you're looking at it. Take him over to the playground.” 

“Fine. You want to go to the swings little man?" 

"Can we have ice cream?"

"You're going to turn into an ice cream one of these days. Come on, coat on.”

Seb's chattering away as they go the short distance to the playground. It's quiet, only a couple of kids on the slide. Seb heads for the swings and while he's pushing him he can't help but remember the time he punched Donna because she'd been bullying Andy. Not that he was grateful. He’d found himself continually assaulted with memories since they got here. “Daddy."

"Yeah?" He can't help but check his phone again. 

"That man is staring." He looks up sharply, immediately tense, ever more so when he sees not some imagined stranger, but his Dad.

"You go play on the slide now yeah. Stay where I can see though." He watches him go before standing a little taller. Cowardly it might be but he'd hoped that either his Mum or even Aaron might be with him when he saw him for the first time. He'd never been blessed with that kind of luck when it came to his Dad. He makes himself walk over, telling himself that nothing can happen anymore. 

"Robert." 

"Dad."

"Heard you were back.”

"Well news always did travel fast in this place." He sees his gaze straying over to Seb every so often and maybe he should start a conversation but he can't bring himself to.

“Why are you here?”

“We’re going on holiday nearby, thought we’d stop by.” Not exactly the truth but near enough.

“We?”

“Mum’s here with us.” He looks over at Seb again, a smile forming as he hears him shriek as he goes down the slide.

"Is he...he's yours." 

"Yeah."

"I thought he'd got a look of you. How old?" 

"He'll be five in a couple of weeks. I should get him back."

"How long are you stopping for?" Every move he makes, every scratch of his head under his cap makes him realise that despite everything he's missed him. He really doesn't know how he feels about that. 

"Not sure yet. We're at the B&B.”

“You...you could always stay at the farm?” He can’t help but scoff. Even if he wanted to there’s no way his Mum would and surely he would get that. 

“I don't think so, do you? Seb! We're going now." Thankfully today isn't a day when Seb plays up, running over straight away, staring up at the man in front of him. "Right well, bye Dad." He doesn't wait for an answer but he thinks he hears a whispered _"bye son”_ as they head to the shop. He really wishes it didn't hurt so much. 

"Daddy, who was that?"

“I’ll tell you later. So, what ice cream flavour are you going to get?" He knew that would distract him. 

"Choc' late!" He laughs but it sounds wrong. "Daddy when's Aaron coming back?" 

"Soon mate. Soon."

*****

”Do I look alright?” He feels ridiculous, like he's going on a first date or something, not going to see his boyfriend in the local remand centre. After what felt like weeks Aaron's solicitor had finally called him back telling him that Aaron had agreed to a visit.

"I already told you, Aaron’s not going to care what you're wearing, is he?" Nevertheless, he holds back a laugh as she straightens his collar. "Now go on or you'll be late." 

"What are you going to do this afternoon?" 

"I'll be fine here with Seb." He frowns because she's not been out of the B&B much. He should've talked to her by now but he's been so preoccupied with Aaron he'd been ignoring her. 

"Mum..."

"Go. If it'll make you happy I'll take Seb to that children’s thing at the hall you told me about.” He nods because she's right, he's late.

The drive to the centre is long enough for his thoughts to wander. The creeping doubt that Aaron's only agreed to see him to tell him to get lost, that's he's not good enough, all the insecurities that be thought he'd dealt with are taunting him even more since he'd seen his Dad. He hadn't imagined the glimmer of relief on his face when he'd seen Seb and found out he was his. He knew what he was thinking.

He calms a little when he sees Aaron, when there's the hint of a smile on his face as he sits down. He looks ok, a but tired but it relaxes him some more. He'd imagined all sorts in the days when he’d heard nothing

"Don't you ever do that to me again." He blurts it out before we can stop himself. 

"Hi Aaron, you're looking well Aaron."

"You look terrible actually." It's said with a grin though. "I mean it! You scared me taking off like that.”

"I told you I wouldn't make you come with me." 

“Did you really think I wouldn't follow you? When you just upped and left?"

"Sorry. I thought it would solve everything." 

“You're an idiot." Aaron just stares at him. "Good job you're my idiot, though, eh?" 

"You're not mad?"

"Yeah, but I'll get over it. Are you alright? In here I mean?” He could feel the stares, didn't want to stare back.

"Yeah." He gives him an unconvincing shrug. "Everyone in here hopes they're getting out so they keep their heads down."

"And you're doing the same, right?" 

"What's that supposed to mean?”

"I can still remember the punch you gave that twat back home who took exception to you holding my hand." He’d actually been pretty proud of Aaron that day, that he had the courage to stand up to him when all Robert had wanted to do was hide.

"He deserved it."

"Yeah he did...but I want you home, with me, so..."

"I'm not going to punch anyone, calm down. So, where you stopping?"

"The B&B in the village." He wants to laugh at the way Aaron's eyes widen. "Had to really, needed some way to find out where you were.”

"So how did you find out? My solicitor said you were pretty persuasive.”

"Overheard your Mum talking in the pub." 

"You met my Mum? God.”

"No...well yeah but she doesn’t know who I am. I…I want you to introduce us, when you get out of here."

"Rob that could be ages.” He’s smiling though, that sweet shy smile of his that Robert can’t get enough of.

"It won't be." Aaron just shrugs. "Anyway, however long it is, I can wait. I’ve been looking at places to rent in the village. I thought maybe we’d stop for a bit.”

“You’re ok with that?”

“Like Mum said, I don’t have to see him if I don’t want to, not to speak to anyway.” It wasn’t a solution but he didn’t have a better one right now. “Besides, you’ll want to visit with your family won’t you? I heard your Mum say you’d seen Paddy.”

“He’s alright, but the crash did a number on him. He’ll be there a while yet but he’s ok. Well enough to tell me I was an idiot for not staying in touch enough.”

"How's Seb?" He asks after a few minutes of quiet. It's agony to be so close and not be able to touch him but neither of them were stupid.

"He's great. A big fan of the ice cream in that cafe. Tries dragging me in there every time we pass. He’s already got Bob wrapped round his little finger!”

“I still can't believe you came...Is it as bad as you thought it would be?”

"I saw Dad. We were at the playground. He saw Seb and I knew what he was thinking, that I'd settled down, had a wife and a son, a proper family. Then he said we could stay at the farm, and I know if I'd told him about us he never would've said it. But I didn't, I just stood there. I didn't mention you, because it was easier. That's not...It shouldn't matter." 

"No, it shouldn’t but we both know it’s not that simple."

"You're not mad that I didn't correct him?" 

"At you? No. You and me, it's none of his business.”

"But I should be...I should've told him."

“You don't owe him anything. Apart from him, you’re alright?”

"It's fine. I don't remember many people in the village. It's just memories. I'm worried about Mum. She's barely been out. I need to talk to her but I've been so desperate to see you. "

"That's why I did what I did. I didn't want you, or Sarah coming back when you didn't want to. You should go home and I'll come home when I can."

"No. I think I needed to come back. It's just hard."

"But if it gets too much, or your Dad starts…then go.”

"Look at you all protective of me."

"Shut up." The bell rings then and he sighs. He hadn't realised just how much he'd missed him until he saw him. "Will you let me come back again?" 

"Course...solicitor says the case shouldn't take long so maybe…"

He has to go then and it's so hard to just leave him there, promises of phone calls don't feel like enough .

"How was he love? " Sarah's in the lounge when he gets back to the B&B.

"He's ok. Better than I expected. Mum, can we talk? If…if you wanted to go home if this is too much I'd understand. Now I know Aaron’s ok…in fact he suggested it.”

"No love. I know you're worried but I'm fine. In fact, I thought that tomorrow I might take a walk up to the farm. Think it's time, don't you."

"Why? I thought it'd be the last place you'd want to go?"

"Because, it was my home for a long time and besides I have to see your father sometime and I'd rather it wasn't in the middle of the village for all the gossips to see."

"Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”

“That’d be nice love, if you don’t mind.” He doesn’t really want to but he will for her. “I’ll ask Eric if he’ll mind Seb for us.”

"Where is Seb anyway?"

“He's in the kitchen, helping Eric with his baking. It's funny really, so much of this place has stayed the same, but Eric Pollard is like a whole new person." He laughs, glad to see her smiling and started to fill her in on his visit. 

*****

He pulls the car to a stop by the farmhouse and looks over at his Mum. "You alright?” She doesn't answer, she's staring at the barn, rebuilt he notices, no sign of any fire but he can see it as clear as day. He can only imagine how she feels. "Mum? You don't have to do this." 

“I do, love. come on."

"It's weird, being back. Didn't ever think I would be." He knocks on the door can hear heavy footsteps before he's faced with Andy.

"Rob?" He almost starts to smile but then his gaze falls on Sarah and he pales. "Mum."

"Andy. How are you?" Robert's always known his Mum was the strongest woman he knew but she still amazes him. She knows as well as he does that the fire was an accident. Andy just a stupid kid trying to help out but even so. They all know just how close they came to losing her and he can't forgive Andy for that, for being a big part of the reason she left. "Can we come in? Is your father about?”

“Oh, yeah. Dad's in the milking shed."

"I'll go over there then. Oh I know the way." She waves Robert off when he starts to suggest he go with her.

When the two of them are left alone, it's awkward, They haven’t spoken in years, not since he left. Robert had never made the effort and Jack and Andy hadn’t either. "You've been with Mum? All this time?" Robert's speechless when he realises Andy's serious. He knew that his Mum and Dad didn’t speak and Vic has always said she didn’t want to see him, her memories of a particularly bad row leaving her not wanting any contact. He’d never questioned it, assuming guilt had left his Dad respecting her wishes He was just glad he didn't have to see him. 

"Where else would I be?" 

“I...you just left Robert. How were we to know where you were. Dad was already heartbroken, losing Vic, and then you left without a word.”

"Told you that did he?" He scoffs. "He wouldn’t have lost Vic if he hadn't scared her out of her wits smashing this place up when Mum confronted him about the fire. You remember the fire don't you Andy?"

“Don’t." He shakes his head because he'd promised his Mum he'd be nice that he wouldn't get into an argument. He just can't help it. He knows it’s jealousy, that he's only ever wanted his Dad to love him, the way he loves Andy.

"Go and ask Mum if you don't believe me.” Andy doesn't speak, just storms out of the door. Robert looks round the kitchen, little has changed the place booking a little drab, unloved. 

He finds himself heading upstairs, passing a photo of the five of them by the farm gate. It was takes not long after Andy moved in, back when he'd imagined making a brother to be the best thing ever, when everyone was happy. He stops in the doorway to the room they'd shared. It's all different now, clearly still Andy’s but nothing left of his. Of course there wouldn't be, his Dad had sent it all not long after he knew where he was. He can see it all though, the yellow walls, the posters of Leeds players, pop stars all the usual teenage stuff.

He shouldn't have come here, It's never left him, that day, the fizz of fear he’d felt when Tom had leant in, knowing he was going to kiss him, the sound of heavy footsteps getting closer and the door swinging open. It was all in slow motion. his Dad grabbing Tom and pulling him away telling him to get out and not to come back. The he'd turned back to Robert. He won't ever forget the look on his face however long he lives.

"Robert?" He jumps, swings round to see his Mum looking at him knowingly. "Come on, we're going now.” He doesn't even realise he'd been crying until she wipes the tears away with her sleeve. 

“Sorry.”

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Come on, Seb'll be waiting. We'll take him out get away from here for a while."

He barely looks up as they leave, but he knows his Dad and Andy are watching. He wants to hold his head up high but he can't. He doesn't look up until they're at the car. He locks eyes with his Dad as he backs away from the farmhouse. He wishes he'd never come back.

*****

It takes another week before Aaron's court date comes up. He's made Robert promise not to go so he's stuck waiting by the phone. His Mum drags him and Seb to the pub even though they have their own kitchen now, having moved into the flat a few days before.

He knows he’s driving her mad with his nerves and worrying her because he won’t talk about going to the farm. He doesn’t know what to say. It won’t make any of it better so there’s no point.

The pub is busy, all the Dingle family are in except Cain. He's come to recognise them the past couple of weeks even though he only really remembers Zak, Lisa and Sam.

"I could've cooked." He says as they wait for their food, Seb eagerly colouring away beside him. 

"You would've burnt it, you’re too distracted. He'll be fine I'm sure of it." 

"I just need him here Mum.” They’ve barely been apart since they first got together, only a night or two and these weeks have felt like torture.

The door opens before she can answer and he sees his Dad and Andy walk in. They don’t speak, just stand at the bar but he can see his Dad keeps looking over, a puzzled look on his face. He tries to concentrate on Seb and making sure he actually eats his food when it arrives but he can’t ignore him. He drops his fork when he sees him approach, steeling himself for whatever comes next. 

"What is it Jack." His Mum asks.

"I didn't get a chance to speak to Robert earlier.” His voice is soft, the one Robert remembers from when he was little.

"There was a reason for that." He mutters. 

"Speak up lad!"

"I said, there was a reason." He catches his Mum's warning look but he ignores it. This was always going to happen, he'd known his Dad would never leave it alone.

"I just want to meet my grandson." 

"No." He picks his fork again, going back to his food.

"There's no need to be like that. He looks a good lad. Seb wasn't it?" He groans internally because as soon as he hears his name Seb will be listening.

"He is. Now if you don't mind." 

"Takes after you, not the eyes though. Those from his Mum? Is she not with you?” At that Robert gets up, not wanting Seb to hear. He knows that Rebecca died but he doesn’t really understand and Robert has no intention of him finding out more this way. He knows what his Dad is doing, in front of the entire pub, trying to look like the loving grandfather, thinking Robert won’t make a scene.

"She's dead." He tells him when he's a few steps away. "Not that it's any of your business."

"You know you've still not told me why you're here.” He should walk away, he knows, but the door opens and Cain walks through, followed by Aaron, still wearing his suit. Robert's always loved him in that suit. Something inside him just snaps.

"You really want to know why I'm here?" He locks eyes with Aaron, drawing strength from him as always. “You were sort of right. I am here with my family.”

"Robert," His Mum's voice is quiet in his ear. She’s been there, through all his struggles with who he was, how his Dad had made him feel that day and she knows what this is taking from him, but he has to do it. ”Are you sure?" He nods once.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone Dad, Andy. Not how I planned tonight to go but...anyway. Dad, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend."

Aaron's there in a flash, right by his side, his hand steady on his back, supporting. comforting. He hears the pub go quiet, can see Chas out of the corner of his eye making her way round the bar but Cain holds her back.

He remembers the cartoons from when he was a kid, where the character’s face would gradually get redder and redder, and his Dad's face is just like that. He wants to laugh.

"You just can't help yourself can you” He splutters after a good few seconds. "Always have to be the centre of attention.” He feels Aaron tense but he finds his hand, holds it tight. The last thing he needs is Aaron kicking off.

"You're the one who started this. I told you didn't want to talk."

"You know perfectly well what I mean."

"Yeah I do. But these fine people don't, so why don't you enlighten them, hmm?”

"Robert, Seb's hearing this."

"Mum...can you take him."

"Bring him through the back love.” He thinks it’s Chas who speaks and his Mum passes with Seb in her arms and he's relieved because he's not backing down. As much as he's dreaded coming back, there's a part of him that's been wanting this, for that scared boy who left home in the middle of the night feeling so alone in the world. 

"So, go on Dad, how an I making a show of myself?”

"I thought I made it clear now I felt about…this.” He waves a hand at the two of them and he has to hold on to Aaron's hand again. He realises that all his bluster is just hiding that his Dad is scared. Robert knows exactly what it is, he’s scared of it all coming out. What he can’t work out is if he’s more scared of them finding out what he did, or finding out that he has a bisexual son. 

"Do you know, you did. Funny thing, me being bisexual, it's not something that can be switched off. No matter how many times, or how hard you hit me." He has no idea where he’s getting his strength from considering he could barely look at him at the farm but now he’s started it’s like he can’t stop. He hears the gasps in the room, the whole pub has been silent as they watched the spectacle in front of them 

"What are you talking about Rob?" Andy pipes up from the bar, pint in hand. He can’t make out the look on his face, doesn’t want to think on it too hard, he can only handle one of them at a time.

"You're making a fool of yourself son.”

"Oh I'm your son now, am I? Funny how I wasn't when you were beating me for kissing a lad when I was fifteen. He said it was for skiving, funny how you never got that when you skived to see Katie eh Andy? Guess that was acceptable. Normal, right Dad? Not like me. What was it you called me?" 

“Rob, don’t." Andy again, of course.

“I was _fifteen_ and my Dad hated me, made me feel like I was wrong and worthless because I didn’t fit his way of thinking. You wanted to know why I ran away Andy? Now you do.”

"You still didn't tell us where you were." He barely stops himself from rolling his eyes.

"Wrong again brother. Dad knew exactly where I was. I didn't want Mum to call, thought he'd make me come home. After all when I begged to go with her before he wouldn't let me, but she did call, felt she had to, he didn't even question it. A week later the rest of my stuff landed on the doorstep."

"I should thank you really, if you hadn't got me to leave, I wouldn't have my son, and you know the best bit, I wouldn't have met Aaron. Or if I had, you would've messed my head up so much I would've been too scared to do anything about it.” He runs out of steam then, probably would've ended up on the floor if Aaron hadn't been there.

"Robert that's enough." Definitely Andy this time and when he looks he sees his Dad is pale, A stab of guilt hits him but he ignores it 

“You know when Seb grows up, I hope I can be the kind of parent who will love his child no matter what. I'll just do the opposite to you. That should see me right.” He doesn’t see his Dad leave, doesn’t see anything but Aaron, who’s standing in front of him now, looking worried and proud all at the same time.

“Hi.” He lets out a laugh. “You alright?”

“Can we go home?” Now he’s finished he’s realising that everyone’s eyes are on him and he doesn’t want to be here any longer. “I know you want me to meet your Mum and everyone’s here for a party, but…”

“I’ll tell her to come over in the morning. The rest can party without me. Come on.”

“Seb?”

“Your Mum’s got him. Come on, just you and me, yeah?”


	3. Chapter 3

He doesn't say much as they walk back to the flat and Aaron leaves him be until they're at the door. "So how long did you rent it for?" 

“Uh, three weeks.” He looks down at the key in his hand. "I ruined tonight, didn't I?”

"What? No! Of course not. If anyone did it was him. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But your party...everyone was there.”

"My lot have never needed an excuse to throw booze down their necks. Reckon they'll be glad of the excuse to do it all again.” He throws an arm round him, “Have you ever known a Dingle turn down a party?”

“Still, you should see your Mum."

“I will, tomorrow. Robert, why are you trying to push me away?" 

"I'm not..."

“You are. Why can't you accept that I would rather be with you?"

“Because I wouldn't be like this if you hadn't been so desperate to come here." He regrets it the minute he says it but the words are out and he can’t take them back. The stupid thing is he doesn’t even know why he feels like this.

“I told you time and again not to come here, to let me deal with it. You don’t get to blame me for this." He starts to walk away.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know." 

“Aaron, please!" 

"Not now Robert.” He watches him walk away. Why did he do this every time. He always ruined everything.

Aaron's gone before he can follow and he lets him go, knows him well enough to know he needs a while alone. He's ruined everything, Aaron's party, meeting his family and now their first night back together. 

He starts walking in the direction he’d gone, not knowing what else to do, doesn’t want to go home alone. He can still hear noise from the pub but he’s not going to see if he’s in there. He. He doubts he is anyway. He can just imagine everyone is talking about him anyway. He finds him at the bridge, staring down into the water.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know." He stands next to him itching to touch him, honestly not sure he'd be welcome. "You know, as much as I wanted to see Paddy, I suppose at the back of my mind I always knew I would have to come back one day, because I wanted to be with you and I couldn’t do that properly while I was on the run."

"I shouldn't have snapped at you. Tonight’s been a lot to deal with. I haven't even had chance to say welcome home."

"Nothin' stopping you now, is there?" The smirk is back and he knows he’s not mad anymore.

"I missed you so much."

"Missed you too. I'm so bloody proud of you Robert. Standing up to your Dad like that.”

“I can't believe I did. God everyone is going to know." He’d known that but the reality is just now hitting him.

"That might be a good thing. If everyone knows what he's like. He let everyone believe that you’d just left home. Let people keep worrying about you. Everything is on him, not you. You've got nothing to feel guilty for.”

"I know that I do. I suppose...I guess I hoped that maybe he'd be sorry, that he'd realised he was the one in the wrong."

"You can't make him change." Aaron hesitates, holding him close. "Did it help, getting it all out?”

"A bit.”

“Then that’s the best you can hope for. If…if he had said sorry, would it change anything?”

“Probably not. I…I suppose I just want…is it wrong to want him to just love me?”

“No. Of course it isn’t. He’s your Dad, he’s supposed to…you should be able to rely on him.” He doesn’t move far but he pulls away from Robert just enough that he feels cold with him gone.

“God, Aaron, I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.” 

“Hey, stop it. It’s fine, really. Come on, it’s cold out here. Show me this house you found.”

“I don’t know where I’d be without you, you know.” He tells him, holding his hand as they start to walk back towards the house.

“At home, not here dealing with your Dad.”

“That’s not what I mean! I don’t even think I would’ve said anything if you hadn’t walked in. I saw you and…I knew I could do it. That sounds daft.”

“No it doesn’t.” He presses a kiss to his temple. “Want to go home?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can still salvage something of tonight?"

"What did you have in mind?"

“Well, there's a new episode of Peaky Blinders I've been meaning to watch." He laughs as Aaron's face drops and he can’t help but tease him. "It's only on for an hour. I'm sure we can find something to do after." 

"You're an arse."

"Shut up or I'll watch two episodes.”

*****

“Can I ask you something?” Aaron says the next morning when it’s still quite dark outside and he’s in that fuzzy place, half asleep, half awake.

“Mmm.” He tightens his arm around his waist, not wanting to let him go.

“After last night, is it easier, being back?”

“I guess. He’s not the big bad wolf anymore I suppose. I stood up to him. I…what’s it going to be like today, everyone knowing, looking.” He opens his eyes finally, meeting Aaron’s gaze. “Can I…can I ask you something?” Aaron nods, he likely knows what it is because Robert’s only ever hesitant about one thing. “How did you…it’s not the same I know, but how did you cope with everyone staring…knowing?”

“I didn’t really. Hid away for a bit, but I had to go out there in the end. Cain kinda didn’t leave me much choice. Like he said, if they didn’t believe me then it was their problem, not mine. The people I cared about did. They were the ones that mattered, not the likes of Brenda.” He leans closer and kisses him. “You’re not on your own you know. You’ve got me, Sarah and my Mum…no doubt the rest of my lot too. We’re on your side.”

“What about Andy?” He wished he knew why he was so bothered by him but he’d been thinking about it most of the night, unable to sleep.

“Same goes for him as everyone. His choice what to think. He might surprise you.”

"Doubt it.” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk him to or not. Maybe there was too much water under the bridge for them to get past. He had to admit a part of him did miss his brother.

"I dunno he looked funny last night, didn't seem happy with Jack to me."

"Andy's too like him though, his problem though, right?" He says much more sure than he feels.

“Exactly,”

He doesn’t get chance to say any more before the door bursts open and Seb is launching himself onto the bed calling them lazybones even though it was barely seven in the morning.

“Aaron!”

"Hi mate ! I’m sorry I didn't see you last night.” 

“Where did you go?”

"Had to see someone about work. I'm back now though, for good this time." 

“Really?” He sounds sceptical and Robert almost laughs at the look on his face.

"Promise. Have you had breakfast?" Seb shakes his head. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes!” He rubs his belly as if he’s half starved and Aaron tickles him making him shriek.

“We better get you fed then. Come on, let your Dad wake up properly.” Seb’s off the bed and gone in a flash. “One of my fry ups do you?”

“Yeah. Sounds perfect.”

When he’s alone he gets out of bed, looks out of the window at the village. He’s still unsure whether he made the right decision to come. Not about being here for Aaron but raking up the past again, bringing everything back into focus when he’s tried so hard to forget.

“Daddy, breakfast!” He smiles as Seb bellows up the stairs.

“Coming!”

*****

They’ve barely cleared away the plates when the doorbell rings. “Three guesses.” Aaron says with a smile. He answers the door and all Robert can hear is him protesting as Chas talks a mile a minute.

“Mum we’re barely finished with breakfast.” He says as they get closer.

“It’s been years since I saw you. Who cares about a few plates.” Robert sticks the kettle back on for want of something to do. Seb is playing in front of the TV and his Mum is on the phone checking on the restaurant.

“You saw me last night.”

“Not properly. Barely had chance to say hello.”

“That was my fault.” He can’t put it off any longer, turns round to face them.

“No love, that’s not what I meant. Oh I’m making a mess of this. You came into the pub…before, why didn’t you introduce yourself?”

“Soppy here wanted me to introduce you.” Aaron says, laughter all over his face. Chas has this weird look on her face and the next thing he knows she’s hugging him making Aaron laugh harder. “Mum, sit down and stop embarrassing him.”

“So, come on,” She says when they all have a mug of tea in front of them. “I want to know everything. How did you meet?”

He lets Aaron do all the talking, just enjoys watching them. Aaron’s always been quiet back at home. He had a few workmates he’d hang out with but he’d always been one to keep himself to himself. Seeing him chatting and joking with his Mum was almost a revelation. There was a whole side of him that had been missing.

“You know Cain will sort you out with your old job love.” 

“Mum…”

“I’m just saying, you’ll want to be earning. This place won’t be cheap if I know Jimmy King.”

“I’ve already got a job. At least I hope I have.”

“I spoke to Jim before I left, gave him a quick rundown. You know him, heard everything, seen everything. He said he’d keep it open for you…all proper this time too.” Aaron just smiles.

“But…you’ll be coming back, now you can. Won’t you?”

“We’re settled where we are Mum.” Robert can’t help but study his face for any sign that it’s not true but there’s nothing. “But I’ll be able to visit now won’t I? And you can visit us. You’ll love it.”

“Yes love. Of course I will. Well, I should let you both get on. Um, last night, Sarah said that it was Seb’s birthday in a few days. We thought…well I thought, how about we throw a party in the pub? Give the family chance to meet Robert properly and that.”

“I don’t know…he’s…well everything changing like this, I don’t know how he’ll be.”

“Every kid loves a party. Come on it’ll just be our lot and anyone you want to ask.” Aaron looks over at him and he nods. What harm can it do really. 

“Fine. Don’t go too mad, yeah? I know you Mum.”

“That’s settled then. Thursday teatime in the pub. Paddy should be home by then too.”

When she’s gone he’s staring into space and Aaron has to wave a hand in front of his face a few times to get his attention. “Hey, where’d you go?”

“Sorry. Did you mean that?”

“What?”

“That we’re settled? Don’t you think about moving back here?” Aaron shrugs.

“Sometimes. It wasn’t really my choice to leave.” He starts to get up. “But…I meant it. We are settled, and we’re happy. Probably be happier now everything is out in the open between us, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Of course it will.” He forces a smile. Why was he so filled with doubts, Aaron looks so sure, why is he questioning everything?

*****

"Are you alright about this?” Aaron asks as they stand outside the pub. It's Seb's birthday and they've spent the morning at a play centre in Hotten and now they're going to the pub for his party.

The rest of the week has been spent together, just them, out and about, avoiding the village. It wasn’t intentional but the first couple of days after Aaron got back they’d barely had a minute to themselves, Chas popping in what felt like every five minutes. He wants to talk more about what comes next but he can’t bring himself to. He doesn’t have any answers and he has no idea what Aaron might say, despite his words earlier in the week.

"We can't let him down, he's excited." It was all he'd talked about for days. "It's fine Aaron. As long as none of your lot threaten me or anything. I do remember them you know."

"They're not that bad. Ok they are but they'll be on they best behaviour. Mum promised."

"Right come on then." He's got hold of Seb's hand and he pulls the doon open, the noise level already pretty loud.

When they get inside they're faced with a wall of Dingles and Robert can't help but move closer to Aaron. He's not scared of them but knowing that they'd heard everything, he was apprehensive of the reception .

"Here's the birthday boy!" Chas, loud as over comes round the bar to stand next to Sarah, The two of them had been plotting for days and Aaron had jokingly said they should be worried. Looking at their identical grins he wasn't sure we was wrong.

"Mum, we said no fuss!"

"Oh hush. If you can't make a fuss on your grandson's birthday then what's the point?" Sarah pipes up. "Andy's here."

"I'm glad. Really." He was. He'd realised the last few days that it had never really been Andy he was mad at, it was his Dad's differing treatment of them both that had caused the rift. He'd been hesitant about it still, until he'd spoken to his Mum, his loyalty always with her first, but she and Andy had sorted themselves too. He had to put as much as he could into the past. She’d said she was going to ask him, probably hopeful they would make up. He didn’t know if he would but he’d make an effort to talk at least. “I’ll talk to him later.”

“Right so, introductions I think.” Aaron claps his hands together, entirely too gleeful for Robert’s liking. He was nervous, not just because they all knew what had gone on, but because he knew what they all meant to Aaron. He wanted them to like him. “We’ll start with Zak and Lisa, you remember them, right?”

“Yeah.” He follows him over, plastering a smile on his face, Seb clinging to his hand still and he picks him up, letting him see everyone properly.

“Uncle Zak, Lisa, this is Robert.”

“Now lad, it’s been a long time, eh? You were a tiny spit of a boy last time I saw you.” He gets a warning nudge from Lisa and Robert smiles, properly this time. “Well anyway, terrible business. You keep our Aaron happy enough by the looks of him.”

“I try.”

“And this handsome boy must be Seb. Hello love. Happy birthday.” Lisa coos as Seb thanks her in his sweetest voice. Robert sets him on the floor as he’s fidgeting but he stays close to Aaron, still unsure about all the strangers. “Now I’m not going to go on but I just wanted to say that took a lot of guts the other night. We were all worried about you when you left, well went missing so we thought.”

“I didn’t…I’m sorry he worried you like that.”

“Don’t you dare love. He’s the one at fault. I said at the time there was something odd, there were never any police or ‘owt. Still at least you were safe, that’s the main thing eh? You’ve done alright for yourself, a lovely little boy, and this one.” He laughs as Aaron blushes. She leans up and kisses him on the cheek, making him blush too. “Welcome to the family love.”

“Oh, well thanks.” He didn’t know what to say and Aaron was just grinning like a loon beside him.

“Come on, there’s loads more of us. See you later Lise.” He grabs his hand and leads him further into the bar. “See, I told you it’d be fine.”

*****

He’s in the corner of the pub, keeping himself to himself, a few minutes peace all he wanted. A long line of Dingles had been introduced and he’d had enough of the long pauses as they tried to work out what to say. Apart from Zak and Lisa he didn’t really know any of them enough to keep up a conversation. They were all nice enough he supposed but for now he’d just had enough.

Aaron had only just left his side, and that was only because Paddy had arrived, still in plaster and needing help. He’d not been introduced yet, he remembered him though, he’d always been up at the farm seeing to the animals, always friendly with his Dad. He was anxious about him, wanted Aaron’s parents to like him.

“Rob.” He looks up to see Andy in front of him. “You got a minute?”

“What do you want Andy?”

“I just wanted to talk. Mum said it’d be alright for me to come…I’ll go if…”

“You’re here now.” He looks over to the table his Mum is at, with Paddy, chatting away. She catches his eyes, gives him an encouraging smile. “I don't want a lecture on how bad a son or brother I am though."

"No...Just wondered if we could talk. Sarah, Jack, why don't you go and see your Mum for a minute.” For the first time he notices the two children next to him. Robert looks over the other side of the bar to see a woman, a bit of a scowl on her face. He’d been introduced to her, knew she was related to Aaron somehow but he couldn’t remember her name.

"Are they yours?"

"Yeah. That's Debbie their Mum. She's Aaron's cousin. Did you not know?"

"No. Well, we’ve been introduced but I didn’t know about you and her.” He wonders what else he doesn’t know. “So what do you want to talk about?”

"Was all of that true, the other night?"

"You think I'd lie about all of that?" He should've known. He picks up is drink, all intentions of walking away but a hand on his arm stopped him.

"No...but I don't understand why Dad would…why he'd let me think he didn't know where you were." 

"I doubt he wanted anyone finding out the truth about why I left. Wouldn't look good would it?" He sighs. "Andy you're asking the wrong person about what Dad was thinking. Why haven't you asked him?" 

"I tried…” Robert could imagine just how that conversation would’ve gone. “It…it’s, I don’t understand, he’s not like that.”

“No…I just wasn’t the son he wanted.”

“Rob…” He shook his head, doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

"So, what does he think of you and Debbie? I guess you're not together?"

"He wasn't happy about her being a Dingle, but…I guess you…”

"Don't say I know what that feels like. It's not the same. Him thinking he's somehow superior to them is nothing like hating your son for who he is."

"Are you sure it wasn't that you were fifteen?" He resists the urge to roll his eyes.

”Yes Andy, I'm sure. Like I said last night, he never had a problem about you and Katie did he? He made it pretty clear what it was about. Would you like me to tell you the words he used?” 

“Sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

"You could've told me you know." He scoffs loudly.

"Come on Andy. You know what it was like back then. Besides I didn't even really know myself. You know my argument isn’t with you. Not that one at least."

"I don't know what to say.”

"You don't have to say anything, you didn’t do anything. I only came back here for Aaron, not a family reunion." 

"You're leaving?” Is it his imagination or does he look disappointed.

"Maybe, probably." They hadn’t spoken about it, Aaron still getting used to being around his family again and he was still too shaken about the night in the pub to think clearly."Seb will need to go back to school at some point anyway." 

“I…didn’t expect you to have a kid.”

“I could say the same.” They laugh, some of the tension clearing. “He wasn’t planned, but he’s the best thing in my life. Him and Aaron.”

“His Mum…you said…”

“Car accident. We weren’t together. I was all he had left.”

“Sorry.” They fall silent and he struggles to know what to say.

“You know Vic's coming, should’ve been here by now, ‘spect she'll want to see you." He'd spent over an hour on the phone to her after the night in the pub, telling her everything and she'd insisted on coming up. A show of unity she'd said which made him smile. He knew she wanted to come, she had her own reasons too, probably needed the push just like he had. 

“That’d be nice. What about Dad? Does she want to see him?”

“That’s up to her.”

“What about you…will you see him again before you go?”

“I doubt it. Don’t try and make it all happy between us Andy. Too much has gone on." Andy nods but he’s frowning. Robert’s not surprised, he knows where his loyalty is, always has been.

“I…Are you happy? Bit of a shock you and Aaron." 

"Why? Because he's a man?"

"Well yeah, but not like that...It's Aaron. He used to be a right scally...not who I imagined you with." He can't help but smile because he wasn't really wrong.

"Well, people change…he’s…” He shook his head, found it hard putting into words just how he felt, especially to Andy. "I love him." 

"I am happy for you Robert. Really."

"Thanks. Maybe we should introduce your two to Seb. They are cousins after all.”

“They’d like that.” He smiles and wanders over to where Seb is sitting on Aaron’s lap.

“You alright love?” His Mum looks worried and he smiles.

”I’m fine. Hey Seb, do you want to play with your cousins?"

"I have cousins?" 

"Yes...come on." He leaves Aaron talking to Paddy and his Mum and leads Seb over to Andy. "Seb, this is your Uncle Andy and these are you cousins, Sarah and Jack."

"Sarah. Like Nana?" 

“That's right.” He watches as he studies the other boy. He’s always been shy around new people and Robert knows he’s overwhelmed with all the changes the past few weeks so he’s unsure how it’ll go. He really doesn’t want a tantrum in front of everyone.

“Do you like trucks?” Jack asks him in a little voice. Within seconds the two of them were chatting away, Sarah supervising as only older sisters can, and he smiles over at Andy.

“Another pint?" He leads him to the bar. "Thanks for coming."

"I'm glad we've sorted things out." 

"Me too “ They weren’t how they’d been as kids, probably never would be, but it was a start.

"I still can't get over you and Aaron." He shakes his head and Robert frowns.

"How do you mean?"

"The two of you both leave the village and yet you find each other."

"I suppose it is a bit of a coincidence."

The rest of the afternoon flies by and he finds himself surrounded by Aaron's family for most of it, all of them wanting to know how they got together, The only one he can't read is Cain and it's not until he heads to the Gents that he speaks. 

"So you and Aaron." 

"That's right."

"He looks happy. S'pose that's down to you." He shrugs, not really sure what to say. "Just make sure it stays that way, right."

"Uh, yeah." With that he's gone leaving Robert standing there.

"Robert? What's the matter?" Aaron's beside him as he gets back to the bar.

"I think Cain just gave me the ‘hurt him and you're dead' speech."

"What, I'll have a word."

"No. It was kinda sweet really."

"Cain? Sweet? How much have you had to drink?" 

“It’s nice you have a protective family, idiot.”

“You know for Cain, that’s good. He’ll be getting the welly out next.”

“Welly? Wait, your Mum said something about that, what is it?” Aaron just wanders away smiling. “Aaron! Tell me!”

"Come on, Seb's eyeing up that pile of presents. Mum can only hold him off for so long.”

“I will get the truth out of you, you know. I have ways.” He knew the Dingles, could only imagine what it was. They had some odd ideas.

Seb's like a little prince, sitting on the bar opening present after present, Aaron and Robert either side of him. They're so engrossed that they don't see the door open, don't notice the extra guest until the room goes quiet. "Looks like I'm just in time then."

"It's a private party." He thinks it's Zak that speaks but he's too busy staring at his Dad, standing in the doorway a clumsily wrapped present in his hand. 

"You heard him." That's definitely Chas. “Get out.”

"It's my local.”

"And it's my pub so I get to say who is allowed in. I'm a bit funny about people that hurt their children." Robert can only stare at her, blindly handing Seb another present hoping to distract him.

"Mum." He can't do anything is in disbelief that he's here, that he thinks it's ok to do this. "Leave it." 

"Why are you here?" Finally he finds his voice.

"It's the lads birthday." 

"I don't want you here." He steps closer.

"Now, Robert..."

"No. I said everything I had to say the other night.”

"He's my grandson."

"No he isn’t. You disowned me, so he's nothing to you. Now go." Out of the corner of his eye he sees Aaron and Cain of all people, move closer. It’s just a step, but he sees his Dad falter a little. He stares at him for a few more seconds before he turns and leaves.

He follows him to the door, telling himself it’s to make sure he leaves but he can't stop himself calling out.

"All I wanted was for you to understand. Why couldn't you do that?"

"You've no idea what you're talking about."

"Do you know how messed up I was after that? I was so confused, hurt and I had no one. The one person I should've been able to trust let me down.” He blinks back tears, refuses to let him see him cry.

"It was years ago."

“That’s no excuse! It’s all still there. Every word. The saddest thing, I believed you for so long, hated that part of myself. Probably until I met Aaron in fact.” 

"You can't blame me for everything, you could've settled down, taken over the farm but you always had to be different, could never be satisfied." 

"I was _fifteen_! I…I was figuring out who I was. I needed you to…to be my Dad!”

“Rob?" He swings round to see Vic standing there, bag in hand, clearly having heard everything. 

“Victoria?" She ignores him and heads for Robert.

"Are you alright Rob?" She's hugging him and it's only been a week or so but he's missed her.

"You're looking well love." Their Dad tries again. 

"It's alright Vic. If you want to talk to him." He whispers.

"I don't. I want to see Seb." She hesitates though, looking over her shoulder at her father, and Robert nods at her again. "I'll come and see you tomorrow Dad." 

“Love..." He has to admire his persistence but Vic has every bit of his stubbornness and he knows she won’t budge.

"You heard her. Go home Dad."

"Are you alright? " She asks when he's walked away. 

"Yeah. I think so. You go on in I just need a minute." She leaves him and he sits on one of the benches. It's not long before he feels someone sit beside him and when he opens his eyes he expects to see Aaron but it’s his Mum. 

"Alright love?"

"Not really. Seb didn't hear did he?"

"No. He's playing with Jack again, happy as anything."

“How am I supposed to consider moving here if he just keeps turning up?” He says almost to himself.

"Are you thinking of moving?"

"Kinda. I think Aaron wants to. He's not said as much, but...he's happier than I've ever seen him, you know. How do I take him away from them all?" He’s been thinking about it for days, could see how Aaron belonged here, how much he was loved.

"He's an adult. He can make his own decisions, have you even asked him? What am I saying, of course you haven't. Talk to him, hmm." 

"I know you're right, but..."

"No buts. Besides, if you do move back, I think your father will find he's lonelier than he imagined. There was a pub full of people ready to help you out just now. You won’t be on your own here, not like before.”

“I don’t know. There’s so much to think about. What would I do for work for a start? How can I leave you and Vic?”

“Robert, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Talk to Aaron. Then think about everything else. For all you know he doesn’t want to move back here. You need to decide this together. You can make the decision on your own.”

He sighs. “You’re right.”

“Now come inside. It’s time for cake.” She gets to her feet with a smile.

“Mum…thank you, for coming with me. For…for always being there. I don’t say that enough.”

“You don’t need to love. I’m your Mum. Come on, don’t let him ruin another minute of your boy’s party.”


	4. Chapter 4

It's a week since Seb's party when Aaron finally cracks. Robert had known it was coming but he wanted to avoid the conversation for as long as he could. His Mum is out at the pub with Vic and Seb is in bed when Aaron finds him in their room, supposedly sorting the laundry but he's spent most of the time staring out into the night.

"Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?" He asks perching on the edge of the bed. 

"There's nothing wrong.” He doesn’t even sound convincing to himself.

"Robert I'm not stupid. Is it your Dad? Has he been round again?" He'd tried once, got shown the door by Aaron when Robert wasn't in. He shakes his head. "Then what is it?"

"Are you being honest with me when you say you don't want to move back here?"

"I told you I was happy as things are." He sets down the shirt he's been folding and unfolding. "That's not really an answer. I heard you, in the garden the other day, you and your Mum. I forgot Seb's jacket, came back and...you said you missed it here."

"I do. Of course I do. It was my home. But I have a home in Cornwall with you." He pulls him down onto the bed to stop his pacing. "You know I'm happy. Me, you and Seb.”

"I know. I was just...do you think we could make it work here? Just hypothetically.” 

“I don't know. Would you even want to? You didn't want to come back so why would you want to live here again?" 

"It'd make your happy though." 

"Not if the thing making me happy is making you miserable at the same time."

"Mum said that I wasn't that boy any more, but I feel like him again every time I see him. I don't know how to deal with that." He lain awake nights on end trying to work his feelings out and he’d got nowhere.

"Then don't. We stay where we are." 

"But..."

"No buts. My family will learn to cope. Besides your Mum and Vic aren’t going to up sticks, it'd be the same if they were left behind."

"I feel like I'm dragging you away from them." 

"Well you're not so stop that." He kisses his check and gets up. "You want some tea?" 

"No. I think I'll...do you mind if I go for a walk? Clear my head?" Aaron shakes his head. "I love you."

"Love you too. Go on. I'll finish that.”

He grabs his jacket and heads out. He wanders around a while, the village quiet. He has good memories of the place, maybe he needs to let them out more, replace the bad with the good.

He ends up staring at the pub. It looks pretty full and he doesn't really want to encounter anyone so he slips in the back, Chas telling them to any time. He can hear voices, his Mum and Chas by the sounds of it and he stops to listen, can hear his Gran scolding him for eavesdropping as if she were standing right there. He can't help it though not when he hears his and Aaron's names mentioned.

_“...I suppose I shouldn't be so selfish, expecting Aaron to come back home, but we all miss him so much."_

_"You know until he turned up Robert was still so...well lost isn't the right word...but he was still accepting himself, dealing with a baby. Now Aaron, he changed him for the better."_

_"You'd miss him if he left.”_ He steps closer wanting to hear his Mum’s reply.

_"Of course, but if it were the right thing I could learn to cope. I told him only the other night to talk to Aaron, He's trying to make such a big decision on his own when if he just asked for help it'd be there. He has all of his father's stubbornness that boy."_

_“But they are happy? Really I mean. Aaron hasn’t, well he never says much about anything.”_

_“They are, really happy. If Jack weren't around you know I think they’d move in a heartbeat. Anything to make Aaron happy."_ He can’t help smiling because he knows she’s right, he would.

_“Do you think they might move here though despite everything that happened with Jack?”_

_"Maybe. Robert was worrying himself about work so he's thinking about it. I never know what he'll do though. I'm not sure he does half the time. Aaron does though. He knows him better that any of us.”_

He stops then, creeps out of the back door and heads home. He was no nearer a decision but he had a starting point of how to come to one.

*****

He slips out of bed the next morning, Aaron still sleeping. He leaves him a note telling him he'd gone for a walk. He done it a lot lately, slipping out of bed early in the morning and going for a walk around the village so Aaron won’t find it odd.

It's Tuesday, market day, he knew that was still the same, he'd checked last night. Hopefully Andy would be gone, his Dad always disliked the market.

He stands on the drive for a long time, finding the courage to go inside, to knock on the door. He knows if he'd asked Aaron, his Mum or even Vic would've come with him, but he had to do this alone, He had to expel the ghost almost before he could do anything else.

His Dad walking across the yard drags him back to reality and he walks up the lane. He’s not expecting a reunion, doesn’t want one. He’s not sure what he does want but he thinks talking to him might help. He’s older, he can do it by himself, he can face this, has Aaron waiting at home. He knows if there's any chance of them making up here then he needs to sort this, needs his Dad to know how he feels.

"Dad!" He looks shocked to see him and they stare at each cone in silence for a good few seconds before his Dad comes closer.

"Was just heading for milking. Can give me a hand if you're here." 

“I need to talk to you.” He’s glad his voice is stronger than he feels.

"You can talk while we work. standing still wastes..."

"Time. I remember." He sighs. "Alright."

They're quiet for a while getting on with the job, herding the cattle into the shed, getting them fed. "You remember."

"Guess it's in the genes.” He finds he’s missed it in a funny sort of way. Not that he’d ever wanted to do it full time but he’d always enjoyed being with the animals.

"So. What did you want to talk about. " He scratches his head. "To apologise for the other night?"

"I've got nothing to apologise for. I came to say that Aaron and I...well we might be moving here and I...if we're going to be in the same village we should make some kind of peace." 

"We're not at war, lad."

"Aren't we? You don't even see that what you did was wrong do you?" He doesn't answer. "All I want is to live here if we choose, with my boyfriend and my son without worrying that I'll run into you in the street and keep having the same conversation over and over again." 

"This is my home, I'm not the one who ran away.”

“See that’s what you don’t seem to grasp. I ran because I felt I had no other choice. I know you went off to Italy long before I was born, but the difference between me and you was, I didn’t want to leave, I just couldn’t stay because you never would’ve accepted me. Would you?”

“You’ve no idea what it’s like to walk in on your son…”

“What? Kissing? That’s all it was Dad, same as Andy and Katie numerous times right in front of you but that didn’t bother you. But you’re right, I don’t know what it’s like, but if in the future I do, then my first instinct won’t be to beat Seb or any other children we might have. You could’ve talked to me, tried to listen but you didn’t. You saw something you didn’t like and that’s not allowed is it Dad?”

“You’re twisting everything.”

“I’m not. There’s no point going over and over it because you won’t change. I know that.”

“So why are you so keen to move back here then, if I’m so horrible to be near?”

“Because it was my home once. It’s Aaron’s home, his family is here. There’s no fixing us, you broke it, but he has a family he loves and I’m not going to deprive him of that because of you. I just want to know you won't be pulling any stunts like the other night. Seb's nothing to do with you." 

“He's my blood."

"So am I. Blood is only important to you if we do what you want. I didn't, I wasn't the son you wanted. I like men as well as women, I didn't want to run the farm and everything else I did that you didn’t approve of meant I didn't matter. I won't let you close to Seb only for you to hurt him when he doesn't conform to your ideal view of the world."

"You make me sound like a monster. I'm just an old man on his own."

“Yeah and whose fault is that? You had a family and we were happy. Then you went after Rachel, you hurt Mum, then you sided with Andy and lied to her after she nearly died, you terrified Vic so much she didn't want to see you, and me...you made me feel like I was disgusting for something I had no control over. That's all on you." 

“Robert... “

“If I thought you’d changed, that you were sorry, that you were absolutely ok with me, and Aaron then maybe I could see a way for us to at least be civil, but I don’t think you are, or ever will be. I don't really have anything else to say. If we move here, I'll keep out of your way. All you have to do is the same." He doesn’t answer but he nods ever so slightly. "You know, it didn't have to be like this. I used to look up to you, you were my hero.” With that he turned to walk away. “Bye Dad.”

*****

"You've been ages!" Aaron's almost in a panic when he walks in the door. He’d taken the long way back home, back across the fields he remembered running around as a child. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to come back. Not that he didn’t like Cornwall and living near the sea, but there was just something about this place and he could see them bringing Seb up here.

“I went for a walk. Where is everyone?”

"Your Mum and Vic have taken Seb into Hotten, something about shoes. It was a long old walk." He sits down at the table, rolling an apple in his hands for something to do. 

"I went up to the farm to see Dad.”

"What? Why?"

"To tell him that if we move here I wanted him to stay out of the way.” 

“But we're not moving here."

"You want to though, don't you? I know what you said but you miss it. Aaron, you look happier than I've seen you these past few days, with your family. I can't be the person who takes that away from you. I won't."

"You really think I'd be unhappy if we stayed where we are?"

"No, but I'd always be thinking if it weren't for me you'd be here with your family. I'm not doing this when I don't want to. it could be good for us, a fresh start."

"And you think he'll do as you asked? Stay away, not try and see Seb or whatever."

"I don't know, but he's not this big problem now, in my head, not like before. I’ve...I s’pose I've dealt with it in my head the best I can. What he does is his problem. I've got my family while he's up there pretty much alone." He'd learnt from Andy that while he lived on the farm, most of his time was spent either with the kids or with his girlfriend. "I want this Aaron, I promise, this isn’t just me acting crazy." 

"You're not just...don't take this the wrong way but this isn’t some way of getting in his face. I don't want us doing this for the wrong reasons.” 

"No! I…I've been thinking about it since I got here, before that I guess. It'll be hard leaving Mum and Vic but we won't be on our own will we?"

"Definitely not, in fact you should probably get used to them barging in at all hours."

"We can buy good locks." Aaron mutters something about crowbars but he decides he's better off not knowing. 

"So we're doing this?” He nods, smile brightening his features.

"We are."

"We need to find a house and..." He pulls Aaron towards him kissing him, the fastest way to shut him up.

“Details. More importantly, we have the house to ourselves.”

*****

“Nana! We’re going to live on the farm!” They don’t have chance to stop him before Seb’s at the door when he hears Sarah and Vic returning from a day out a few days after their talk.

“What’s that monkey?”

“Daddy and Aaron said!” Robert ignores Aaron laughing into his hands and wanders over, ruffling Seb’s hair.

“Thanks mate. Why don’t you go play for a bit before tea yeah? While I tell Nana everything.”

“What’s he on about Rob?” Vic’s voice is accusing and he exchanges glances with Aaron before sitting down.

"Mum, Vic, we need to talk to you." They've talked of nothing else for days and now they had to break the news. “I didn’t expect him to…anyway…"

"What's wrong love?” She has a knowing look on her face, as though she’s already guessed what he’s going to say.

"Nothing. Aaron and me…we've decided that we're going to move here." His Mum is smiling before he even finishes. Vic just looks stunned. "I know it's a shock Vic, but Aaron's been away from his family for so long and...well despite everything I like it here. We think it’s going to be a good thing for all of us.”

"Where will you live? What about the restaurant? You'll be leaving us!"

"Vic, none of this is happening right now." Aaron tells her. "We have a lot to sort out before anything happens."

"I'm not going to leave you in the lurch. You know I wouldn’t. Besides, there are these wonderful inventions, you dial a number and...ow!" She reaches over and hits his arm. "Seriously I'll make sure you're all sorted before I leave. You can come and visit whenever you want when we move."

"Yeah, always on the lookout for good babysitters.” Aaron teases.

“I’ll smack you one too in a minute! Oh I am happy for you, it’s just a shock, that’s all.”

“What about you Mum?”

“Oh love, as long as you two are happy, so am I. I’ll miss you of course I will but I think you’re doing the right thing. I assume Seb’s happiness is because you told him?” Robert nods, they’d sat him down that morning once they’d made their decision, tried to explain to him that they’d soon be living here full time and not near the sea any more.

“I think he understood, he was more interested in being able to see Moira’s sheep all the time so who knows. Not sure how we’ll break it to him that we’re not actually going to be living on the farm."

“With you it was owls and ponies as I remember! You’ll be making plenty of trips up to Moira’s before long.” He Mum teases, laughing. “We should celebrate. Drinks and tea at the pub?”

“Why not. I have to break the news to Mum at some point.” Robert nods and gets up to fetch Seb.

“She’ll be over the moon love, I know how much she’s missed you.” He hears his Mum say as he climbs the stairs.

*****

“Oh love that’s amazing! It’s going to be great having you all here.” Chas is all but shouting as she rushes round the bar to hug her son, pulling Robert in alongside him. “Tell me everything.”

“Mum there’s nothin’ to tell, we only decided yesterday!”

“Well I told you Cain would give you your old job back if you wanted. I can have a word with him. What about you Robert?”

“Like he said we haven’t worked out the details yet. I could always pull pints for you.” Aaron snorts.

“If I didn’t know you were joking I might just take you up on that. It’s not like our Charity is much help.”

Later they’re sitting at a table, Seb finishing off the last of his chips complaining whenever Robert pretends to take one, when he sees Paddy come in from the back. Aaron goes over and he can tell he’s breaking the news. He’s spoken to the vet a few times but he can’t help feeling he doesn’t approve. Aaron tells him he’s imagining it but he can’t put his finger on what it is.

"He's just looking out for Aaron." His Mum says when she sees him frowning. "I haven't done anything to Aaron."

"He'll come round. You just need to get to know each other." 

“You finished mate?” Seb nods, licking his finger. "You like it here don't you?" 

“Yeah.” 

“Good.” They’d spoken to him about moving and he seemed happy enough. They knew he likely didn’t understand but he was sure he’d enjoy it here.

"Daddy? Can I have some ice-cream?" He bursts out laughing.

"Go ask your Nana Chas." 

"Nana Chas?" His Mum asks as Seb runs behind the bar. Robert shrugs.

"He came out with it the other day. It's true though isn’t it. Aaron's the only other parent he’s ever known. When we get married..." 

"You're getting married?"

"One day. When we do it’ll all be legal won't it?"

"I'm so proud of you, you know that."

"I keep wondering what I would've been like if I'd stayed here. If I'd not come to you." He says a few minutes later.

"Well you did, so don’t waste time wondering about what might’ve been. You're happy, you've got your family, a lot more family now hey?" 

"God help me.” He says as he looks over at Sam waving his arms around no doubt explaining something to Cain and Zak.

"Alright?" Aaron flops down beside him. "Paddy's tired but he’s coming over for tea tomorrow. Told him we'd be heading back soon." 

"I thought the weekend?" Aaron nods and bursts into laughter at the sight of Seb carrying the biggest bowl of ice cream back to them.

"Oi listen up you lot! I've got some news." Aaron groans as Chas taps on a glass. "Our Aaron has just told me that he and Robert are going to be moving back to the village.”

“I tell you there's no need for social media or ‘owt like that with her around."

"So, I'd like you to raise your glasses, to my wonderful son and his Robert." He can't help smiling and kissing Aaron as everyone toasts them. Maybe everything really would turn out right.

*****

Six Months Later

"Are you ready love?" His Mum asks as she walks down the stairs.

"More than ready. You look great Mum." He tells her as she straightens his buttonhole.

"Thank you. Now where's Seb?"

"Vic took him outside, he was getting a bit excited." He looks round the house, still waiting to be decorated how they wanted, but it was all theirs. "Can you believe this?" 

“What?" 

"All this."

They'd been moved in for about three weeks, after a month living in the pub with Chas, an experience Robert wasn't keen on repeating. They'd both fallen in love with Mill, so much that they'd bought it, moving in as soon as they could. 

The biggest surprise had been Chas stopping them the day they left to ask if they wanted to buy a part share in the pub. They’d thought about it, but he for one wasn’t entirely sure he could work with her all day. In the end they decided to invest in the garage, taking over as partners with Cain from Debbie. Cain hadn’t been that impressed to start with until Robert started bringing in more and more business.

He’d worried that spending so much time together would leave them feeling stifled but it hadn’t. If anything it made them closer. He spent most of his time on paperwork and besides he’d never tire of spending time with Aaron, especially in his overalls.

"You've landed on your feet love. Be happy."

"I am...it's just. Oh nothing I'm just being daft." 

"I prefer cautious.” She kisses him on the cheek. "Right, are we all ready? Rings?”

"Andy has them. He's over there already." Next to how happy they were, his repaired relationship with Andy was the best thing about moving back. So much so that he was his best man. “Thanks Mum. You and Chas, you’ve made this perfect.”

“Oh stop it, or I’ll be crying before it even starts. Let’s get you married."

*****

_“Seb’s at your Mum’s and the kitchen is done. Come with me.”Aaron stood at the door looking at him expectantly._

_“I’ve all this to finish before tomorrow.” He was frantically checking everything was packed and ready for the movers who would be arriving the next morning._

_“It’ll be there when we get back. Come on, one last look around.”_

_“You say that like Vic doesn’t already have dates pencilled in when we have to come back.”_

_“Robert, I’m trying, and apparently failing to do something nice.”_

_“Come on then. Can’t turn that down can I?”_

_The walk down to the harbour is slow, everyone knows they’re leaving and they’re stopped almost every minute with people wanting to say goodbye. Finally they reach their spot and sit on the wall looking out across the water._

_“Cain wanted me to go to France when I left, did you know that?”_

_“Why didn’t you?”_

_“Couldn’t speak French.” Robert shakes his head on a laugh. “I thought I’d try my luck here first and if that didn’t work I’d go to France then.”_

_“Turned out alright in the end I suppose.”_

_“I guess. There’s this bloke though, can’t seem to shake him off.”_

_“People like that can be so annoying.” He laughs, hoping that however long they’re together they’d never lose this._

_“Eh, he’s not bad in bed mind.”_

_“I’ll give you not bad in bed.” He shoves him a little, playfully. “You changed my life Aaron. I was happy but, there was always something missing. I didn’t feel...comfortable isn’t the right word but when I met you it all fit into place.” Aaron doesn’t say anything, just kisses him before making himself comfortable against his shoulder._

_“You are absolutely sure about tomorrow aren’t you?” He asks after a while._

_“I better be, we bought a house! But yes, I am. I’ve never been surer of anything. Is that why you brought me here, to check I wasn’t going to have a meltdown?”_

_“Partly.”_

_“And the other reason?”_

_“Will you marry me?” He says it in a rush, breaking into a smile when the words are out._

*****

They collect Vic and Seb on the way, Seb all smart in his matching suit. “You know what you’ve got to do mate?” He asks as he takes his hand.

“Yes Daddy.” He patted his pocket, a move so like Robert that Vic laughs.

Everything is set up when they get to the village hall. They’d not wanted to be married in some anonymous registry office or hotel. This had been Chas’s suggestion, outside in the village, and it was beautiful.

He has a flutter of panic when he can’t see Aaron but then he finds him to one side talking to a newly released Adam.

“You ready love?” He looks round at his Mum and takes her arm, watching Aaron do the same with Chas.

The service goes by in a flash but he knows he’ll remember every minute. When it’s over and he’s reluctantly let Aaron go he gives Seb a thumbs up and the little boy shuffles off his chair and comes over to them.

“Before everyone leaves, Seb has something he’d like to do.” He’d not been sure if this was the best time or place because he knew how Aaron got in front of loads of people, but he’d not thought for one minute Aaron would say no so he’d gone on with his plans, making sure Seb knew what to do.

“What’s going on?” Aaron hisses. Robert just smiles at him and picks Seb up, standing close to Aaron.

“Me and Seb have been talking a lot and, well I’ll let him tell you. Go on mate.”

“Will you be my Daddy too Aaron?” With that he pulls the envelope out of his pocket and hands it to Aaron.

“Really? You want me to?” Aaron asks him, tears already in his eyes again. Seb nods. “I would love to. Come here.”

Robert hands him over to Aaron and watches, his own eyes stinging with tears as Seb wraps his arms around Aaron’s neck. He can hear everyone clapping but he’s only focused on the two people in front of him.

“So what’s this then?” Aaron asks him as they make their way to the pub, holding up the envelope.

“He wrote you a letter. Well I wrote it, but it’s all his words about how he wants you to be his Dad.” He looks up the road to the pub as Chas stands in the doorway telling them to get a move on. “Read it later, yeah?”

*****

The party is in full swing and he’s finally found out what the welly is all about. He’d almost threatened Aaron with an instant divorce when Zak had handed it to him.

“Speech!” Someone yells when he’s just about standing upright again and he’s pretty sure it’s Vic because they’d said no speeches and it’s just like her to want to embarrass him. He can’t get out of it so he pulls Aaron into his side by the bar in front of everyone.

“I, er, thank you all for coming, Aaron and I really appreciate it. I didn’t have anything planned because we weren’t going to do speeches. Thank you Victoria. Um, I was scared about coming back here a few months ago and I wouldn’t have done if it hadn’t been for Aaron. I can honestly say I’m glad that I did. Emmerdale is my home. I’m not going to go on but if it weren’t for Aaron I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t be as ridiculously happy as I am now. He makes me feel like that every day, and he’s the best Dad to Seb. I’m just glad I came home one day to find this grumpy lad sat at the kitchen table like he owned the place.” Aaron’s laughing beside him as he puts his glass down. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

*****

“What are you doing out here?” Aaron’s got a pint in his hand rather than a Champagne glass as he comes down the steps to sit beside him on the bench.

“Just wanted some air. Your Mum wore me out with all that dancing.”

“I don’t know, your Mum gave her a run for her money. She’s going to take Seb home in a bit, he’s nearly asleep.” He nods and rests his head against Aaron’s shoulder.

“I, er, you are alright with everything aren’t you? Adopting him? I mean you’re already his Dad but he asked me if he could call you that and I…your Mum’s his Nana, and he’ll come up with something to call Paddy soon enough so it’s as official as it gets for me, but I want it to be properly official, I want him to be yours and so does he.”

Aaron’s got tears in his eyes and for a fleeting second he thinks he’s going to say it’s too much, despite what he said earlier. “Of course it’s what I want. You know it doesn’t matter that I’m not though, right? On paper I mean?”

“Course…but I want to do it. I spoke to a solicitor and he reckons it should be pretty straight forward.”

“I didn’t ever think I’d get to be this happy you know, not after…”

“I know. We’re not going to stop being happy Aaron, I promise.” He shifts so he’s holding him, just sitting for a minute away from the craziness inside. He looks round the village, the only sounds coming from inside the pub. When his gaze lands on the top of the village he catches sight of his Dad and he stiffens, not wanting a confrontation today of all days but he just stares at the two of them for a minute before turning away and heading up the road towards the farm.

“Everything’s perfect.” Aaron murmurs.

“Yes it is.”


End file.
